'No victim, no crime': Stop calling Minneapolis cops about Tomi Lahren

Here's Tomi defending accused sexual predator/former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore

Here's Tomi defending accused sexual predator/former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore Facebook

As the Tomi Lahren water-throwing saga captivated a bored nation, much of the dialogue around it hit on one word: assault.

But on Sunday in downtown Minneapolis, when a fellow bruncher launched a few thimbles-worth of water at the conservative commentator, did that count as assault?

"One thing supersedes everything else in the case, and that is, there's no victim -- we have no victim, we have no crime," Minneapolis Police Department spokesman John Elder explains, adding that Lahren has not contacted local law enforcement.

So that's that -- or is it? 

It is not.

Concerned patriots have been calling Minneapolis police stations and pleading for assault charges to be filed on Lahren's behalf, says Elder, who points out, "That's not how the law works." Hypothetically, however, there could have been a case ... had the circumstances been completely different. 

"It depends on what the liquid is; if it's acid, that's totally different than drinking water," Elder says, noting that bodily fluids such as saliva may have carried harsher consequences than water. But no, it was plain ol' water that morning on the rooftop at UNION Restaurant, and not much of it. Lahren was struck with between a quarter and a third of a cup, Elder estimates. Or maybe none at all. 

"I'm not sure she was even hit with it," he admits. "The video was very minimal, very short."

Lahren, for her part, is capitalizing on the brief viral moment. After her Fox & Friends appearance on Wednesday, President Trump jumped to her defense via Twitter, describing the divisive 25-year-old as "outstanding and respected."

"I think people forget that I'm a real person, at the end of the day, these things do embarrass and humiliate me." Lahren told Sean Hannity, her gravely sympathetic Fox News colleague. "At the end of the day, like you said Sean, I do have a following, and that following is made up, in large part, by young girls. I hope that young girls will look at this, especially conservative young girls, and see that if I can handle this with grace, they can too." 

They just can't file charges in Tomi's name. Now let's never speak of this again.