Nice chimps finish first?

Among the great apes, chimpanzees are the biggest assholes. Can we all agree? They're quarrelsome, territorial, cannibalistic little bastards and are not above nabbing and eating the occasional human infant. Excepting for Neocons and clergymen, they're about the most unpleasant primate you could ever meet.

But researchers at the U of M's Jane Goodall Institute Center for Primate Studies have recently discovered that, within chimp clans (and counter to conventional wisdom), smaller, less aggressive males are just as capable of achieving alpha male status as their larger, more violent (jerk-faced) counterparts.

So how do these undersized chimp-pansies do it? Simple. By grooming and doting over other chimps who, in turn, warm up to them and support them when it comes time to challenge the ruling alpha. 

In other words, politics is not a phenomenon unique to humans.