The town of Morris, Minnesota, doesn't have much going on aside from its public university, a 1,900-student branch of the University of Minnesota.
A small group of those students are conservative. Another small group of them are gay devil-worshipers.
Throw those two opposing sides on the same small campus in the same small town, and things are bound to get weird.
The right-leaning news site Campus Reform blew the Satanic lid off the "Queer Devil Worshippers for a Better Future" group with an expose on Wednesday, publishing a "leaked" email that went out to all students on that campus. In the email, dated January 19, a student named Reed Larsen invites any like-minded Morris kids to join the group's first meeting, to be held later that month, and promised some "devilish revelry."
In the email, Larsen is hoping the new group helps stem an "abhorrent" tide of conservative politics on campus. To fight back, Larsen writes, the queer-centric group advocates for more students to get on board with a "social justice platform."
Oh, and Satan.
"Your favorite buttery, corn-fed trans femme sweetheart," reads the sign-off, which you're probably tempted to use as the ending to all the emails you write from now on.
Campus Reform also got a hold of one of the group's monthly newsletters, which include such helpful features as "Devil's Picks: Satanic Beats," a countdown of the hottest singles for the discerning, devil-loving music connoisseur. (Topping the charts for the month of February, we have Hozier's "Arsonist's Lullaby.")
In something of an introduction, Reed, here identified as the "void mother," laments the lack of devilish doings on the Morris campus.
The night are often quiet when they could be filled with the screams of a diverse, inclusive variety of pitches and sources. The witches, their cauldrons are bare when they could be filled with the tears of fuck boys.
Also included in February's issue, in case yours got lost in the mail: "Six Reasons Why Necromancy Is Better Than Bigotry." Reason number one on this list encouraging attempts to communicate with the deceased?
"Doesn't kill people. This one should be fairly obvious."
Can't argue with that, can you?
Campus Reform does argue with the group's premise: Morris isn't even that conservative, according to an unnamed tipster, who sounds a little whiny when he says there are a "combined 20 members" across all of the school's Republican, pro-gun, and conservative groups.
Hey, kid, if you want more members to join your right-wing groups, you're going to have to come up with a better name than Queer Devil Worshippers for a Better Future. Good luck.