You may know Keith Ellison as the amiable congressman from Minneapolis, a practitioner of the unassuming liberalism that's ruled these lands for decades.
He's running to become chairman of the Democratic National Committee, the party's campaign fundraising arm. This wouldn't be a problem save for one small item:
Keith Ellison's a goddamned Muslim!
The finer trumpets of the conservative media have taken note of this last fact, and they're amping their outrage to 11.
Their logic goes something like this: The Quran is a violent book. Like the Bible and the Torah, it was written at a time when people thought the best way to solve a problem was to whack somebody. And since all religious people follow their ancient texts in lockstep -- that's why Methodists are always stoning women who've lost their virginity -- it can only be assumed Muslims want to take over America and kill whitey.
So the right-wing media has gone on high alert to warn the citizenry of this grave danger.
"Left-wing congressman with past ties to Nation of Islam wants DNC job," blared a headline from Fox News this week. It delivered a fusillade of damning facts about our mild-mannered congressman. Chief among them: During his days at the University of Minnesota, Ellison was an acolyte of the Nation of Islam, writing favorably of the sect's nutjob leader, Louis Farrakhan, and later helping to organize the Million Man March.
Even more insidious: In the '90s, he began referring to himself as "Keith X Ellison" and "Keith Ellison-Muhammed," which are apparently very scary ways to spell your name.
Ellison would eventually renounce Farrakhan after belatedly discovering his rather Hitlerian thoughts on the Jews. Such is the nature of finding wisdom as one ages.
Over the subsequent years, he has shown little interest in being mean to Jews or pursuing black nationalism, though he may have watched televised basketball.
Others sites have used invisible thread to tie him to the Muslim Brotherhood, best described as Egypt's version of the Republican Party. It's an Islamic group hoping to bring one-religion dominance to a secular government. But scarier. Because they're brown people.
Closer to home, Powerline, Minnesota's leading site for sinister Muslim conjecture, has linked Ellison to the Muslim Brotherhood using Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon logic.
Alas, the evidence so far could be encapsulated by the headline, "Keith Ellison once had some ideas that he later thought were stupid," a story applicable to all of us. To the conservative media, however, it's enough to make him a greater threat than transgender bathrooms and Neil deGrasse Tyson combined.
Coming soon to a conservative website near you: "Keith Ellison wants to behead Carrie Underwood, let kids take it to show-and-tell."
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