Michele Bachmann's daughters await gentleman callers

It may be your nightmare to imagine Michele Bachmann as President of the United States, but there may be an even worse title to call her: Mom.

During a recent appearance on Sean Hannity, Bachmann revealed that her daughters are not allowed to call boys to ask them out, and must instead wait for a gentleman caller to ask for a date.

Take that, Sadie Hawkins!

Here's the portion of the interview in which Bachmann reveals the sad life of her little suffragettes:

BACHMANN: Well, in my time, girls didn't ask boys to prom. If you didn't get asked, you didn't go.

HANNITY: Yeah, well let me tell you, I have a 13-year-old son. Those days have changed big time.

BACHMANN: And our girls are not allowed to do that in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call.

Of course, longtime City Pages readers were already aware of Bachmann's bizarre, pimp-like relationship with her children, which was first revealed in a 2003 Christmas letter:

Her other daughter, Elisa, was well into wifehood training in 2003, when she was 13. Elisa is "ORGANIZED!" Bachmann proclaims, which means she was "born to be the perfect wife and mother." But Elisa comes with a disclaimer: "Future mates will have to apply as she does not advertise herself. Thank God for her modesty; she tries desperately to set an example for her mother." ...

Bachmann introduces her next daughter with an odd reference to plural marriage: "King Henry had his 6 wives, and if our Caroline had been one of them I think she would have been called Caroline the Vibrant." Mom offers little explanation for this designation, but goes on to reveal Caroline's waist size, saying that she "pulls jeans over her 14" hips," which sounds like a line from a mail-order wife catalog.

Last comes Sophia, who is too young for a husband and therefore will have to spend the rest of her life caring for her crazy mother. "A hundred years ago families designated a sacrifice lamb that forsook marriage in favor of caring for aging parents," Bachmann explains.

They sound like a real catch, don't they? And as an added bonus, you get Michele as a mother-in-law and Marcus as a father-in-law! The phone must be ringing off the hook with eager suitors!

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