Michele Bachmann, God's emissary, says boss handpicked Donald Trump


The former congresswoman says God is rooting for Trump because he will follow Jesus' teachings by being a dick to strangers seeking refuge.

Former Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann took the airwaves last week, appearing in an "exclusive" radio interview on the Christian Broadcasting Network. And she delivered some breaking ecclesiastical news:

God is rooting for Donald Trump.    

"I actually supported Ted Cruz," said Bachmann. "I thought he was fabulous, but I also see that at the end of the day God raised up, I believe, Donald Trump, who was going to be the nominee this election. 

"I don't think God sits things out. He's a sovereign God. Donald Trump became our nominee."

Bachmann, who was named to Trump's evangelical advisory group in June, certainly likes the cut of Trump's jib, believing him the perfect man for the job if America was frozen in time 50 years ago. (When accepting the holy appointment, we imagine her apocalypse-signalling call with Mango Mussolini went something like this.)

Trump "has 1950s sensibilities," she said. "By that I mean he really does believe in a strong America because he grew up being proud of the United States, a 'John Wayne' America."

A Hillary Clinton presidency would be a disaster, Bachmann said. Jesus notably urged his followers to always be dicks to strangers seeking refuge from starvation, civil war, and government assassins. But Clinton doesn't follow the word of Jesus.

"If you look at the numbers of people who vote and who lives in the country and who Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton want to bring in to the country, this is the election when we even have a chance to vote for somebody who will stand up for godly moral principles. This is it."

God be praised. 


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