Michele Bachmann, congresswoman, spotted at U.S. Capitol
Michele Bachmann: "Thank you, Mr. Speaker. Can someone help me find my office?"
Michele Bachmann used to be a United States Congresslady, at least that's what her official presidential biography claims.
In fact, if you invoke the ancient rules of the House of Representatives, Bachmann is technically still an elected official, but only by the narrowest of margins. As the Founding Fathers initially intended, people -- well, white guys -- would get elected to the House for a two-year term, and then they'd stick around for pretty much both of those years.
But Bachmann has bigger and better things to do these days. She's got a presidential campaign to run, which, as we speak, is imploding in Iowa, falling in Florida, and spelunking in South Carolina. Maintaining that kind of nationwide disaster is a full-time job.
And so, it was a curious sight yesterday, when Michele Bachmann reentered the halls of the U.S. Capitol, and actually voted on a few things -- some sort of bills, which could someday become United States policy, it seems. The last time Bachmann stooped so low was three months and 88 (!) votes ago.
What drew Michele off her glorious campaign? Actually, it was kind of important.
Juan Manuel Santos, Michele Bachmann: President, not president.
Bachmann voted three separate times on proposed trade agreements with Panama, South Korea, and Colombia. To be clear, there were three separate bills, and Bachmann wasn't just repeatedly voting on the same bill over and over. (Though with this much rust on her voting record, you can imagine there was a bit of, "How do I do this again? Do I push a button or pull a lever? Is it pronounced LEE-ver or le-ver?") Those bills passed the House, and Bachmann hailed a legislative triumph while also doing a bit of foreign policy flexing in a statement, ABC News reports.
"My long-standing support of the free trade agreements was reinforced when I met with Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos in Colombia in February, and again when I discussed trade in my office with South Korean Ambassador Han Duk-soo in June. Both the countries of Colombia and South Korea are eager for the implementation of these free trade agreements."
And what a fine statement, Michele. Oh, sorry, for the benefit of the blind, any chance you could read it aloud? We're all a bit curious to hear you try Ambassador Duk-soo's name.
Earlier this week, Bachmann, uh, lied to the people of New Hampshire, telling a crowd there that she hadn't been around much lately because her "first duty was to go back to Washington, D.C."
What exactly she was doing back in D.C. is unclear, because she sure as hell hasn't been legislating -- not that she's ever been all that into that anyway.
Well, if she's telling that to the people of New Hampshire -- coming off like some sort of deadbeat dad who's got another family across town -- it'll be interesting to hear what she's telling the people of the Sixth District about where she's been.
But for some time, and into the foreseeable future, Bachmann's statements to her district have come from her official spokespeople: Crickets.
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