Meet the Minnesota Vikings All-Arrested team
By Andy Mannix and Mike Mullen
This week began with a bit of news that finally gives cause to celebrate the Minnesota Vikings: Since 2000, the Vikings are leading all other NFL teams in arrests.
This was too good to be ignored, or judged on its face. So City Pages has gone deeper, investigating who these players are, what they did, and of course most important, are they any good?
Turns out, they are. In fact, a team made up of the Vikes players arrested in this millennium would be well-rounded, talented, and unpredictable. If captured at the height of their gifts, this lineup would probably even make the playoffs -- if they could only avoid violating parole.
Here, thanks in large part to the database maintained by SignonSanDiego.com , is your Minnesota Vikings All-Arrested team.
Daunte Culpepper: Charged in 2005 along with three other teammates in the infamous Sex Boat Scandal. Culpepper touched a dancer's "buttocks" during the October boat trip, according to police, leading to misdemeanor lewd conduct charges. Those charges were ultimately dropped, but not before the Vikings traded Culpepper to Miami.
Moe Williams: Also charged in the Sex Boat Scandal, Williams was accused of receiving a lap-dance, during which he touched the dancer's breasts. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct charges, earning him a couple small fines and 48 hours of community service.
Marcus Johnson: Arrested after allegedly getting into a scuffle at a gas station. The charges were dropped.
Bryant McKinnie: McKinnie sets the pace for the all-arrested team. During the Sex Boat Scandal, McKinnie was accused of performing oral sex on a woman in front of a crowd of people. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. He was also arrested in 2003 for obstructing a police officer in Miami, but those charges were dropped. He was arrested again along with teammate Marcus Johnson for fighting at a gas station. Those charges were also dropped. In 2006, he was charged with aggravated battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest after a street fight in Miami.
John Davis: Arrested on suspicion of drunk driving in 2000 after a snow plow driver spotted him sleeping in his car in Wayzata. Davis pleaded guilty to careless driving.
Steve Farmer: Arrested in 2004 after officers say Farmer helped stomp someone outside a nightclub in Minneapolis. The charges were dropped.
Randy Moss: In 2002, Moss bumped a traffic officer with his car hard enough to knock her on the ground. He pleaded guilty to careless driving, which came with a $1,200 fine and 40 hours of community service.
Koren Robinson: Arrested in 2006 for DWI, fleeing an officer, and three misdemeanor charges. Robinson was sentenced to 90 days in jail.
Chris Walsh: Arrested in 2000 for DWI. Police say his blood-alcohol level was .229.
Walsh was sentenced to 12 days in jail.
Kelly Campbell: Arrested near the Georgia Dome in 2005 on weapons and drug charges. Campbell struck a deal with prosecutors to avoid jail time.
Travis Taylor: Arrested outside a Minneapolis nightclub and charged with disorderly conduct, fifth-degree assault, and interference with pedestrian or vehicular traffic. Taylor pleaded guilty and was sentenced to a $1,000 fine and community service.
Bench: Rhett Bomar, (QB): Arrested in Mankato this summer for DWI.
Analysis: On offense, the Vikings will need to play something of a bizarre set, with only two offensive linemen. That's not going to leave a lot of running room for Moe Williams, who really needs big gaps in order to gain yardage.
But, since one of the two lineman is Bryant "Mt." McKinnie, and quarterback Daunte Culpepper is so hard to bring down, we feel confident this lineup will give Randy Moss plenty of time to get open downfield. Whether he cares to actually run after the ball is anyone's guess.
On Page 2, check out the Vikings' fearsome All-Arrest defense, and find out who we think should coach this group of troublemakers.
Everson Griffen: Griffen holds the Vikings record for most arrests in a single week. On January 29 of this year, Griffen was arrested in Hollywood for public intoxication. Two days later, he was booked for assaulting a police officer near the Southern Cal campus. He has been charged with felony battery for the latter.
Kenny Mixon: Has been charged three times for driving under the influence since he joined the Vikings. He was acquitted of one of these, and found guilty on the other two.
Kevin Williams: First arrested for drunk driving in 2003, and pleaded guilty to a lesser careless driving charge. In 2005, Williams was charged with fifth-degree domestic assault after a fight with his wife.
E.J. Henderson: First arrested in April 2004 for drunk driving in Maryland, earning Henderson two years of probation. He was arrested a second time while playing for the Vikings later that year for fighting outside a Minneapolis club. Those charges were later dropped.
Mike Nattiel: Arrested in 2003 for DUI on his first day of NFL training camp in San Diego. Nattiel was also arrested along with two teammates for fighting outside a club, but those charges were dropped.
Fred Smoot: One of four arrested during the Sex Boat Scandal. Smoot was spotted using a double-headed dildo on two women at the same time during the cruise. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and was sentenced to a $2,000 fine and community service.
Chris Cook: Arrested earlier this year on suspicion of brandishing a gun during a fight with a neighbor. Those charges were eventually dropped. Just this month, Cook was charged with felony assault for allegedly beating up his girlfriend.
Cedric Griffin: Arrested in 2007 for sagging his pants too low at a night club. Prosecutors dropped the charges after Griffin agreed to stay out of the club and keep his pants at a reasonable level in the future. He was arrested again in 2007 for a DUI, to which he pleaded guilty.
Ronyell Whitaker: Arrested by mistake in 2007 for an outstanding warrant. Police ran Whitaker's plates after spotting his car parked illegally in downtown Minneapolis. Records showed Whitaker had an outstanding warrant for an unpaid reckless driving ticket, but Whitaker actually had paid it. Police later apologized for the mistake.
Tyrell Johnson: Arrested on suspicion of DUI in September of this year.
Dwight Smith: First arrested in 2006 for indecent conduct in downtown Minneapolis. Smith pleaded guilty and was sentenced to community service. In 2007, he was cited for possession of marijuana. The drug charges were dropped, and Smith pleaded guilty to obstructing traffic.
Bench: Darrion Scott (DE): Cited for possession of marijuana in 2007.
Analysis: On defense, the team is similarly loaded up at the edges, and will rely on the gigantic Kevin Williams to take up a lot of room at the defensive tackle spot. But considering this starting 11 features the return of Fred Smoot alongside current mainstays like linebacker E.J. Henderson and defensive end Everson Griffen, there's little doubt this squad could contain the run.
Unfortunately, by the rules of the game, we cannot grandfather in Jared Allen, whose DWI arrests came before he joined the Vikings, so this team will struggle in the pass rush department. But what quarterback wouldn't be a little nervous knowing he was throwing into a secondary full of jailbirds?
Tony Dungy is the only man who could coach these guys.
This team has some serious flaws, and we don't just mean off the field. Kicker Ryan Longwell and punter Chris Kluwe have simply not pulled their weight, and so the all-arrestee team will struggle on special teams.
But a high-powered offense and a speedy defense will keep his team in a lot of games, provided none of them are forced to play the second half in handcuffs.
For coach, City Pages is forced to reach back into the Vikings' past and call upon former defensive coordinator Tony Dungy. Dungy, a devout Christian who acts as counsel for troubled players like Michael Vick, has exactly the right combination of moralizing and tough love to keep these guys in line. The owner, of course, is the ghost of Al Davis.
It's left to fans' judgment of whether assembling a team like this is ethical, but City Pages is pretty sure that this is the Vikings' only chance to win a Super Bowl.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss City Pages' biggest stories.