A 27-year-old man named Andy really wants to have a child soon and is sick of wooing women in the ineffective, confusing world of online dating.
On Tuesday he laid his desires out in a brutally honest and just downright bizarre Craiglist post titled "I want to have a baby."
[UPDATE] The post has been taken down, but you can take a look at a screenshot here.
Andy (who declined to provide his last name) makes his case to any woman who is interested in giving birth to a child soon.
He's rich: He posted a screenshot of his investment portfolio with $19,000 worth of Apple stock.
He's healthy: He doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, and he's been weightlifting a lot and eating healthy.
He's virile: "During the past year I have been physically conditioning myself to produce the best sperm that I can."
He's also a little weird.
"I want my children to be strong, so I thought that if I work out a lot then that trait might carry on better to my off-springs [traits like strong heart and muscles]," he writes.
He needs to have the child during winter because he's read that's the best time for a baby to be born, which means any interested lady would need to get knocked up by the end of March.
"I may be trying to rush things, but I don't want to wait a whole year to get the time window right," he writes.
So, has Andy had any luck?
"I get emails, but nobody who is genuinely interested," he says. "It's mostly just people who either call me a desperate fool or women who insult me and tell me I'm batshit crazy. Some women are claiming I'm the next Craigslist killer."
Andy says he tried OkCupid and Match.com, but he only found women "who are fat and ugly and can't get a date," or women who are "attention-seeking whores."
"A little bit of weight doesn't hurt, I just don't want someone who is like, a big ball of fat," he says.
We asked if maybe he thought about lightening up his approach a bit, but he says he never calls women those names to their face, so "it doesn't really matter."
In our screen-staring, app-obsessed society, there's never been more customizable ways to find a partner, but there are still millions of men and women out there who don't have the slightest clue about how to connect with someone. The dating struggle has never been realer for people like Andy.
"I don't know how the hell people meet other people any more," he says. "I don't drink, so I don't really go to bars, and I don't really know any other method that would work."
Send news tips to Ben Johnson.