Kim Kardashian dumps Kris Humphries
Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries: The end of the Great American Love Affair.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, the couple that stole America's heart and ate America's brains, are officially, finally done.
The news broke today via TMZ, which has since obtained (read: got faxed from Kim's publicist and/or her mom) the official divorce filing. In those fateful pieces of paper, signed by Kim herself, the split is explained as being the result of "irreconcilable differences."
Given that those differences have emerged after only 72 days of wedded bliss, we can only assume that the major difference between Humphries, a native Minnesotan, and Kardashian, who was born on the internet, cropped-up just moments after they tied the knot in a two-hour television special.
Kim Kardashian is divorcing Kris Humphries, and America weeps.
The Kim-Kris Hump-dashian split has pretty much totally hijacked the TMZ website, which has produced several pieces of "news" about today's dissolution.
For example, one early entry has people close to Humphries explaining that he "doesn't believe in divorce." (Well, believe it, Kris, because now TMZ's gone live with the papers.) The same item explains, in a heartbreaking moment, that Humphries is "bummed."
There isn't a whole lot to be learned from the divorce papers, which are sparse on new information. The docs state the date of divorce as October 31, 2011, which means, in a truly insensitive moment, Kardashian and Humphries have gone out of their way to ruin thousands of couples' "Kim Kardashian and The Guy She Married" Halloween costumes (leaving them only hours to reconsider or find some way to repackage as "Divorced Kim Kardashian and The Guy She Married").
Under the "separate property" category on the papers, Kardashian has listed jewelry, earrings, and "other personal affects" which she claims belong to her and her alone. TMZ also reports that Kim had a pretty rock-solid prenuptual, and is ready to fight any legal battle if Kris -- a millionaire professional athlete! -- wants her to pay alimony.
This is likely going to be a major trash talk topic if the NBA ever plays another game. (On a side note, the NBA lockout has now lasted six weeks longer than this marriage.) When and if Kris has to face his fellow ballers, we suspect the following conversation will take place roughly 10 times per night:
NBA player: "I told you not to wife that."
Kris (looking down): "I know, I know. I thought we could at least make it to Thanksgiving."
But, to the single ladies of Minnesota, this might be the best moment to point out that, while Kris is a decent scorer, he's really made his name on his ability to rebound.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss City Pages' biggest stories.