First came word that Fox News’ “White Power Barbie,” Tomi Lahren, was coming to the Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis on May 19.
Now Minnesota will be treated to a second star from the rafters of American kookery: John Guandolo will appear at the Bloomington Airport Marriott on April 8.
Think of him as the discount Bill O’Reilly of disgraced former FBI agents. Back in 2008, he resigned from the bureau in the midst of an internal investigation when he couldn’t douse the fire in the loins, bedding the star witness in a corruption investigation involving former Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson.
His carnal adventures would preclude the witness from testifying, especially since he also hit her up for a $75,000 donation to an anti-terrorism group he was running on the side. Superiors further discovered he kept a list of his sexual conquests with other FBI agents.
Guandolo then launched Understanding the Threat, an anti-Islam group designed to warn America of The Great Muslim Menace -- often by defying the laws of both evidence and logic.
As Guandolo sees it, ranking CIA officials are covert agents for the Saudis, Muslim Brotherhood sleeper cells are so prevalent they’ve likely taken up residence in your underwear drawer, and the moms working the women’s wear department at the Roseville Walmart will soon overthrow the U.S. justice system, before heading to their second jobs.
During a 2016 speech at Warroad Baptist Church, he claimed Muslims were buying up gas stations as a prelude to armed revolt. "Are you prepared for the two or three dozen jihadis in, pick a city in Minnesota, with mortars or shoulder-fired rockets?”
The revolution, it appears, will begin in the snack aisle.
Thus far, Guandolo speaking tours have largely kept to Minnesota’s northern and central countryside, where older, conservative audiences aren’t prone to poking his collapsible claims. He was also a regular speaker at law enforcement seminars.
That ended last June at the National Sheriffs’ Association convention in Reno, where he was confronted by Hennepin County Sheriff Richard Stanek.
The sheriff was none too pleased with a story Guandolo wrote for his website titled, “In This War Minnesota’s Twin Cities Are Lost.” The piece was a tour de force of nuttery, claiming Minneapolis and St. Paul were now “enemy-held territory... under the control of a collaborative jihadist/marxist element there.”
Written in the style of a rudimentary intelligence brief, it criticized Stanek for allowing mosques in his jurisdiction, which left the “jihadi threat” to flourish.
The story also seemed to have more than a hint of grudge-settling. Guandolo appeared upset that Stanek rejected his offer to lecture deputies, choosing instead to consult with “jihadis in the community.”
During a meeting between the two after a Guandolo convention speech, tempers flared. Guandolo reportedly pushed Stanek down and punched him in the face. The sheriff ended up getting a restraining order against him.
Since then, Guandolo’s law enforcement gigs have apparently dried up. He’s now venturing closer to cities, where residents with Muslim neighbors aren’t so naive, and bullshit meters tend to be tuned a little higher.
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