Jesse Ventura's TSA search lawsuit thrown out

Jesse Ventura pretty much lives his life like an action hero.

So, when Ventura's lawsuit against the Transportation Security Administration got thrown out yesterday, it was the real-life moment when the hero realizes no one believes him, and he's going to have to go it alone.

Unfortunately, the former pro wrestler/movie star/governor of this state wasn't on hand to give the dramatic speech that launches the second act.

But we can only assume Ventura's thoughts about the lawsuit, in which Ventura is suing to protect your crotch from nosy TSA staffers, would be even more extreme than what he said back in July, when he explained to a TSA attorney that America was "a fascist nation now."

U.S. District Court Judge Susan Richard Nelson tossed Ventura's suit on jurisdictional grounds, ruling that any challenge to a federal agency like the TSA would need to be heard in the federal court of appeals. Ventura's attorney David Olsen told the Pioneer Press that he had not spoken with Ventura about what the ex-governor wanted to do next.

Jesse Ventura, depicted here imagining an American future without unwanted groping.
Jesse Ventura, depicted here imagining an American future without unwanted groping.

Ventura was suing the TSA on Fourth Amendment grounds, claiming that the constant airport pat-downs, and even the body scan image captures, violated the clause that protects "against unreasonable searches and seizures."

In his suit, Ventura said that he had to fly almost constantly for his TruTV show "Conspiracy Theory," and that his metal hip implant was always setting off airport metal detectors. When that happened, Ventura claimed, the former Naval officer and governor was subjected to touchy-feely searches from security agents.

Even when agents took the hands-off approach, and gave "The Body" a body scan instead, Ventura's suit described the scans as "tantamount to a warrantless, non-suspicion-based, electronically-recorded strip search."

Ventura also argued that TSA's actions were part of a secret "standard operating procedure," which, it turns out, is more or less true: Judge Nelson confirmed that TSA's standard operating procedure is private, but said that it needed to be "for reasons of national security," the PiPress reports.

So there you have it. If, as Ventura seems to think these days, everything is part of a grand scheme to take away individual liberties and ...  actually, the outcome of all this is unclear, but will likely be revealed on the next season of "Conspiracy Theory" -- but you can add Judge Susan Richard Nelson and her "jurisdiction" to the list of people and things conspiring against you, and Jesse Ventura, and your crotches.


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