Jay and Silent Boob

We were okay with the satanic porno, but when it comes to falsely claiming credit for Kevin Smith's movie, we draw the line

Kevin Smith's latest film is to be called Zach and Miri Make a Porno. The script is apparently about a pair of thirtysomething slackers who, inspired by their upcoming 15-year high school reunion, decide to make a porn film. It's slated to begin filming in Minnesota in February.

According to Shane Bugbee, the movie was inspired by his experiences in Ely, Minnesota. Bugbee is the satanist-turned-blueberry-soda salesman who claims to have been run out of bucolic Ely, fearing for his life after word of his past surfaced. Bugbee then went to L.A. and produced a porn film, The Witches Sabbath (see "Sympathy for the Devil," CP 4/4/07).

"It's a rare day in Hollywood to actually get paid and get credit for something like this," Bugbee crows in a press release touting the purported connection. "This is a real testament to Kevin Smith's character!"

When asked on his website if any of it was true, Smith responded: "Not in the least." —Paul Demko


House Arrest

Is your modestly sized home currently dwarfed by your neighbor's ostentatious quasi-mansion? Do you endure pangs of inadequacy every time you drive by that smug bastard's oversize monolith of a house, what with its soaring overhangs and looming facades mocking your every sense of conventional modesty?

Well, fear not! In a unanimous vote, the Minneapolis City Council approved an ordinance that "address[es] resident concerns over the size and bulk of new homes" and "encourages traditional building features." Now new homes will be forbidden from exceeding half the square footage of their lots and will be prohibited from surpassing 35 feet in height or two-and-a-half stories, whichever is less.

"This was one of the biggest issues I heard about when I knocked on doors in 2005," 13th Ward council member Betsy Hodges said in introducing the ordinance. "I think this strikes a balance between the modern desire to build larger homes with the desire to keep what we love so much about our city and its neighborhoods."

That sumbitch's oneupmanship is henceforth outlawed! [shaking fist] —Matt Snyders


T-Wolf's Got Talent!

Timberwolves fans, it's the moment we've all been waiting for: Troy Hudson's breakout performance!

Now for the bad news: It's not on the basketball court.

T-Hud, as the well-paid point guard's countless fans know him, recently released his first solo rap album, Undrafted.

Currently touring the East Coast with Bow Wow, T-Hud will be back in town next week for a big release party at First Avenue.

If you're a T-Wolves fan that actually wants to see Hudson in action, it might be worth the 15 bucks to get in. If you can manage your way into the V.I.P. area, there's even the promise of free food.

Just one thing, though: Wouldn't a more accurate album title be "Untradeable?" —Jonathan Kaminsky


Please Come to Your Census

Due to its relatively languid population growth, Minnesota is in danger of losing one of its eight congressional seats in 2012, according to the most recent U.S. Census estimates.

"We're in competition with South Carolina, North Carolina, and Georgia for the last seat," says state demographer Tom Gillaspy. "It's really close, a difference of roughly 2,000 people. That's only about two and a half weeks' worth of population change."

Census data can have widespread ramifications on a state's political clout. In addition to setting the number of representatives a state sends to Washington, population figures establish the number of electoral votes and affect how much federal funding a state receives for programs such as Medicare and Medicaid.

With that in mind, the state Legislature has set aside $300,000 for the Minnesota Department of Administration to make sure every man, woman, she-male, and child will be accounted for in the 2010 Census.

"We want citizens to realize that it benefits them to be counted in the Census," Gillapsy says. "People aren't always trusting when someone knocks on the door and says, 'Hi, I'm from the federal government. I'd like to ask you a few questions.'" —Matt Snyders

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