It was 1:30 in the morning when 22-year-old Jacob Anhalt called up his buddy M.J. to see if he could pop by and say hello. The 52 year old agreed, and unlocked the back door when Anhalt arrived. But he was not alone.
From the darkness behind him charged two masked men wielding a battle ax and a sword. And lo, the fellowship of the dingbats was formed.[jump]
Wielding what M.J. described as an ax with a rounded blade on one side that curved down on the other side to the handle, the two anachronistic intruders screamed for M.J. and Anhalt to get down. The ax-wielding burglar struck M.J. in the back of the head. Blood poured out of the cut.
"Where's the valuables?" the axeman asked. "I don't want to leave with a body part."
The man tried to convince the ignoble knights that he didn't have anything worth stealing. Nevertheless, the men were able to scrounge up a princely sum: four rings, a cell phone, two cordless drills, a Sawzall power tool, and the keys to his truck.
Then, like Aslan to the stone table, M.J. was lashed to his Foosball table with duct tape before the three men disappeared into the night with his truck. M.J. struggled for an hour before he was able to tip the table over and wriggle free.
It didn't take cops long to find the truck -- Anhalt was letting the aptly-named Randy Knight drive him around Cottage Grove in it. Anhalt claimed he set the whole thing up and that Knight was one of the men beneath the mask. Knight said he has no idea what Anhalt is talking about, though he has been convicted several times of theft.
Inver Grove police are still looking for the third man -- let him be known forthwith as Sir "Dustin."
"I keep thinking back to the movies and what you would see in like Braveheart or something like that," says Lt. Larry Stanger. "We see some strange things out there."