Intervyew with the Vampyre

class=img_thumbleft>As any reader of the local press--or viewer of Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update--already knows, there's a new face in the Minnesota governor's race as of last Friday. Jonathon Sharkey of Princeton has entered the fray as the standard-bearer of the fledgling Vampyres, Witches, and Pagans (VWP) Party. In addition to heading the VWP and serving as co-owner of two witches' covens, Sharkey is (according to his website) a military vet and former professional boxer and wrestler who went over to the Dark Side once and for all in 2001, following a bad breakup. Yesterday morning we caught up with Minnesota's latest third-party candidate by phone at his office in Princeton.

City Pages: Why did you choose Minnesota as the place to launch your campaigns for governor and for president?

Jonathon Sharkey: I came to Minnesota the first time with my ex-wife back in December 1991. We came here for vacation, fell in love with the place, and moved here six weeks later. My son John Jr. was actually born here on March 7, 1992. I had filed with the FEC to run for president [in 2008] back in September. I met my wife, who is from Princeton [Mn], and I ended up moving out here to be with her.

While I was talking to people about my candidacy for the presidency, and explaining my beliefs, especially about terrorism, a lot of people told me they were very disappointed in Pawlenty. And they said, well, you could still run for the presidency, but we think you could do more here in two years than Pawlenty's done in the last four. Would you consider running for governor here? I brought it up to my executive board of the VWP Party, and then we ended up bringing it to the members. They all agreed it would be great to do.

Ironically, after I spoke to the Secretary of State's office, word got out and I've been playing catch-up ever since then. I think this is a great state. It has a lot of possibilities. I think [Jesse] Ventura did a real number on this state. It's one reason I'm really trying to distance myself from Ventura. He made a lot of mistakes.


CP: Are you sure Minnesota's ready for a vampire in the governor's mansion, or that Americans are ready for one in the White House?

Sharkey: Once they understand what I'm about, I think they will. I think they will accept me. I've had people email me and curse me out. But once I've responded to them, many times people wind up apologizing and saying they totally misunderstood me.

What I think is an obstacle, and I'll admit it, is that I hate God the Father. However, I have no animosity toward Jesus. I fully believe he died on the cross and was a sacrificial lamb. My problem is with his father, because as a parent, I would never allow my child to be brutally crucified the way Jesus was. I love my children. If they get a boo-boo, I'll always be very sympathetic toward them. I pick them up if they're crying. I don't think it's right to worship a God who would allow his son to endure such harsh punishment for anybody.

CP: There's a passage on your website in which you write, "My sister has a saying, 'Evil Begets Evil!' Well, starting in 2007, it will be the criminals who realize first hand, that there is someone more evil than they are, who cares about the safety and well-being of the innocent!" How do you answer critics who might object that if you were really that evil, you'd be an ally of President Bush's?

Sharkey: Let me put it this way. I wrote this on my [Iraq] war page. When I become president, Bush will be charged, tried, and if convicted of murder, I will impale Bush at the White House and enjoy impaling him as much I will [enjoy impaling] bin Laden when we get a hold of him.

CP: I see.

Sharkey: A normal, civil, sweet-hearted Christian doesn't have it in them to impale somebody, even bin Laden. There's a saying, fight fire with fire. Well, everybody has an evil side, but because of their personal beliefs they try to subdue it. While me, I'm not going to subdue it. At times, unleashing your evil part, especially in the type of world we're living in, is a good thing. I want criminals to fear me. I want bin Laden and all his al Qaeda buddies to think back to when their ancestors, the Turks, were trying to invade Romania, and Vlad Tepes, Dracula, impaled them for it. I want them to think they're dealing with another Vlad Tepes. I want them to think of me as the impaling governor-slash-president.

CP: Do you think your campaign will force Democrats and Republicans to finally address the issue of impaling criminals?

Sharkey: I hope so. If you think about it, when a criminal attacks an innocent person, especially a child, do you think they're caring about the long-term effects of their actions, the scars they're putting on that child for life? No. They just want to do it for whatever reasons. And believe it or not, Satanists are against child molesters. I've had people from the Church of Satan contact me to deal with a pagan high priest who was molesting teenage girls. I'm into witchcraft and the black arts, so I cast a spell on this S.O.B. and he suffered a massive heart attack. He's not molesting children anymore.

CP: You know, most people are going to lack a frame of reference for a candidate who calls him or herself a vampire. Are there any film vampires you particularly admire, or whose style reflects the kind of governor you'd like to be?

Sharkey: Underworld. Even though it's a woman, Selene, and you don't see her flying, she doesn't turn into a bat, you do kind of see that she feeds, and that she's a fighter for people and what she believes in. I personally think women should be treated as goddesses. Though it takes a man and a woman to conceive life, it is the woman who bears life.

CP: On your website, you list a lot of credentials--having obtained a NASCAR license, having a background as a boxer and a wrestler, you're the co-owner of two covens, and you're running for both governor and president. Do you worry you're spreading yourself too thin?

Sharkey: No. In reality, there's one thing I learned from being in the military, and that's how to delegate responsibilities and job needs. My sister is pretty much handling Kat's Underworld Coven. I still handle making the cloaks, because that's a source of income for me. If you go to the link on my website to Kat's Underworld Coven, you can find the link for cloaks. As you will see, some of the cloaks are very expensive. They are some of my better sales.

So no, I'm really not spreading myself too thin. I have aligned myself with people of the non-Christian belief who can handle stuff. With all the press and media I've gotten, and the fact I've just signed a contract to be the subject of a documentary involving my candidacy--I think that's going to be good for Minnesota. This film crew is following me around Minnesota, so I get to explain on film why people should come to Minnesota. The great lands, the great lakes, the great people.

Even though my wife got fired a couple of hours after my press conference. I don't know if you know about that one. She got fired from her job as a bus driver for Princeton schools because she admitted to being a pagan.