On Monday, the Champlin Police Department honored an individual we have all come to love and admire: Drunk-Text Mom.
The department posted a “shout-out” to a “certain special someone” who had apparently decided 2 a.m. was the right time to send flirty messages to the department’s Facebook page. The “self-proclaimed suburban mom of two kiddos” had allegedly expressed admiration for a “man in uniform,” requested a “strip search,” and promised she was a “good girl.”
The post assures Drunk-Text Mom that while officers “appreciate” her admiration, they unfortunately “cannot provide” the strip search she was seeking.
“However, we are grateful that a law-abiding ‘good girl’ such as yourself would never leave the scene of a traffic accident!” the post says. “You seemed to have some very strong opinions on that subject.”
The post also indicates officers are glad Drunk-Text Mom got to bed safely and wished her a hangover-free morning.
“We hope you greet your week knowing that, as big a fan as you are of this department, today we are all even bigger fans of you.”
The post was shared over 500 times and garnered a few hundred comments. Some offered “assistance” in these matters, and others described feverishly checking their Facebook messages to make sure Drunk-Text Mom wasn’t actually them.
“She’s my hero,” one said.
“I bet it was Barb,” another enigmatically suggested.
There was the offhand commenter who deigned to shame Drunk-Text Mom for sloppy behavior and wish her a hangover bad enough to cure her of her appetites. But a flock of apologists instantly came to mom’s defense.
“I hope you fall off your high horse,” one commenter replied.
“You must be fun at parties,” another said.
Chief Ty Schmidt of the Champlin Police Department says they were surprised when their offhand post got over 100,000 views by Tuesday afternoon. They'd done it with the full knowledge and consent of Drunk-Text Mom, he says, who had admittedly had a few drinks and didn't mind them putting her anonymous messages on blast.
We certainly don't mind, either. So, here’s to you, Drunk-Text Mom. Stay safe, and stay thirsty.