If female celebrities were horror villians ...


With the tabloids up in their grills 24/7, female celebrities sometimes act on scary impulses. Perhaps they're fueled by the nightlife, a recent divorce or eight stiff gin and tonics. All we know is, the personal and public lives of some of the most talked-about ladies of Hollywood seem to beg for a villainous role:

Lindsay Lohan = Kayako Saeki a.k.a. The Grudge Girl

When drunken nights claim the life of her vocal chords, Lohan could communicate via throat-clicking (at which point, she'll be even more terrifying). Thus, the perfect fit for the disjointed wretch that terrorizes her house's inhabitants. Long stringy hair: Check. Intoxicated swagger: Check. Dilated pupils: For shiz.

Demi Moore = Count Orlok from Nosferatu

She's already proven she can pull off the bald ploy. All that needs to go with it are those slender fingers capable of caressing stripper poles and ensnaring Mr. Kutcher in her kung fu grip.­ Oh yeah, and pinning the necks of the unsuspecting. Courtney Love = Leprechaun

Let¹s be honest: her homeliness precedes her notoriety. Plus, she already plays devious tricks with mastery, like driving her famous husband to death and making large piles of white powder disappear. Mila Kunis = Regan


Her hair and youthful appearance give Kunis the upper hand when it comes to Linda Blair's nasty role. But give her facial lacerations, a bloody crucifix and her scripted tirades from That '70s Show and we've got some potential remake gold. Sarah Jessica Parker = Ghostface a.k.a. the Scream killer With her characteristically long face, we wouldn't deduce she was even wearing a disguise! How could we stoop so low regarding Hollywood's Ms. Innocent, you ask? The simple answer: see what Charlize Theron did for Monster. Yep, just like that, only darker and less sex appeal. Britney Spears = Jack Torrance

Are the spouse and kid driving you so mad, you want to pull your hair out? Such a role's already in the bag for Britney. She's halfway to madness at this point. All she needs are some phantom innkeepers for company and/or babysitters. Megan Fox = Pennywise the Clown Sweet and inviting on the outside. Soul-devourer on the inside (see Jennifer's Body). But at more than 3 hours long, the film would send the horny masses into a sleepy state. Kathy Griffin = Chucky

The death-and-rebirth of the famous killer doll is the ideal metaphor for Griffin¹s showbiz career (her rap sheet is littered with one-episode appearances on various shows dating back to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in 1990). Her snide commentary and sarcasm have the capability to lure her real-life victims so why not give it a shot in Toy Land? Kate Moss = Invisible Force (The Blair Witch Project)

Weighing in at just shy of 26 pounds, Moss works perfect as the killer who wasn't there. And even though this villain isn't formally in the credits, Moss' physical transparency provides the backbone of the thing we can't see. If they mention the scenes with mysterious piles of rock, we know she'd be the first in line at the casting call. Jessica Alba = The Killer Alien from Species Ok, so this is a bit of a cop-out, since the alien killer from Species takes the form of a super hot chick already. But Natasha Henstridge, we feel, just lacks something that Ms. Alba has - that "I'll chew your head off and lay eggs down your esophagus" smile. And now that Angelina Jolie has adopted her way over the hill, it's up to Alba to pick up the killer beauty torch and run.