While you and your frivolous friends were getting ready to drink beer, overeat, and offer your hottest takes on Lady Gaga, one Twin Cities resident was trying to get the word out about something that really matters.
Either this is the most important, most under-covered story in the history of Minneapolis -- and, indeed, Planet Earth -- or someone is making some shit up on the internet. Without President Trump here to help us decide, we're going to have to take this person at his word.
And that word is: A "HUGE UFO" was flying around Minneapolis on Sunday afternoon, and "dozens" of people saw it.
Or perhaps they did, but the people "in on" "it" have scrubbed those images.
Instead we'll have to rely on this textual account posted to Reddit, which is pretty damn exciting.
The writer/UFO spotter was driving on I-94 around 3:30 p.m. yesterday when he or she noticed "a bunch cheaper of cars" had pulled over to the side of the road, drivers and passenges alike standing outside their vehicles. What does the phrase "a bunch cheaper of cars" even mean?
FORGET ABOUT THAT BECAUSE READ THIS NEXT PART:
"a HUMONGOUS ufo is flying overhead at a moderate speed!! This is going to be on the local news for sure! There was even a highway patrol sheriff witnessing this."
As it turned out, this UFO thing was not "on the local news for sure," and, in fact, the only place this information appears to exist is right here in this very Reddit post. Some other commenters in the same thread are ... let's say, skeptical about the whole thing, especially because not one of these "dozens" of witnesses managed to get a photo. People take six pictures at a single brunch, but picked the very moment the aliens visited to forget their phone is also a camera?
The original poster is convinced, and borderline convincing, writing, "I'm so shaken up I'm trembling typing this. I don't know if it was a real aircraft or if it was some for a movie maybe but it was not an airplane!"
Maybe it's both: A real alien spaceship that's being used in a big budget movie made by aliens. Is Earth offering subsidies to entice intelligent beings from nearby planets to film here? It's a question people are asking.
"It was shaped like a diamond," the writer continues, "kind of a dark dull gray and made a noise that I can't even think of what to compare it to to describe it. Please anyone else in Minnesota near midway off 94 can tell me if you saw this?!"
So far no one else has reported seeing a UFO, or even the sight of these owners of "cheaper cars" gawking at it.
So, maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's the end of the whole goddamn world. Pretty much like everything else these days.