Physical Characteristics: Usually found prostrate and eager to hand away cash. Faint easily around charismatic leader.
Natural Habitat: Any large stadium temporarily devoid of a sporting event.
Personal Disposition: Devout.
Evolutionary Purpose: To elect the next president of the United States of America.
Place on the Food Chain: Just above dreamcatchers, just below Amazonian Shamans.
Feeding Behavior: Must receive regular exposure to Obama's '04 convention speech on YouTube.
Mating Call: "We are the ones we've been waiting for! You are the ones we've been counting on to donate $25 to our campaign!"
Weapon of Choice: America's dissatisfaction with the current regime.
Your Best Defense: Being a laid-off, white, working-class woman between the ages of 37 and 72 in Cleveland, Ohio.
Danger Level: About as dangerous to your health as Norm Coleman was when he was a longhaired, pot-smoking undergrad at Hofstra University.
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