His pimp flipper is strong

Unlike Hugh Hefner, Semo doesn't need Viagra to make his blowhole work
Mike Kooiman

After gaining popularity last week for being sex-crazed, Semo, the 43-year-old dolphin at the Minnesota Zoo, proved he wasn't the type to wilt in the spotlight.

It turns out Semo's got mad game. During the last few days, the senior dolphin—one of the oldest in North America—has been pimping like Snoop Dogg. He spends his time chasing and rubbing against April, 41, and Allie, 21, two Florida dolphin babes the zoo introduced to his tank in February.

Like a true playa, Semo's keen on Allie, the girl dolphin half his age. But that doesn't mean April's not going to get some. Dolphins are very promiscuous, says Diane Fusco, the zoo's marine mammal supervisor. "We hope he'll mate with both." —Beth Walton

Off the hook

John Hoff's vendetta against the towing industry began on a snowy evening in February of last year. At 23:27 TNT (Towing Nazi Time, as Hoff puts it), his beloved 1990 Dodge Grand Caravan, known as "T-Bone Dream," was towed from Walnut Street Southeast.

The University of Minnesota grad student recounted this particular encounter in a column in The Minnesota Daily shortly afterward. "Squirrels do not gather nuts with such rabid speed as these tow trucks gather their victims," he wrote.

But his gnawing anger hasn't dissipated in the ensuing year. So last week Hoff started a blog, TowingUtopia, dedicated to chronicling the miseries of the impound lot.

"I've checked and as far as I can tell there's nobody on the internet that's just bitching about towing," says Hoff. "Getting towed can be worse than spending a night in jail." —Paul Demko

Crazy train

There is no crime against bad ideas, which is a good thing for Minnetonka consulting firm Media Ink.

Last week the deep thinkers in the branding agency unveiled their suggestion for naming the Central Corridor light rail line. In a city that routinely grapples with sub-zero cold snaps, Media Ink thought it would be cute to call the train the ICICLE, or the "Ice" for short. The name, they said, would reflect Minnesotans' pride in climate.

In a just world, a judge would lock these people away for life and they would spend the rest of their days in a prison called "Chain Gang Acres." —Jeff Guntzel

Power trip

Apparently looking to incite another drug revolution, State Rep. Joe Atkins, (DFL-LSD) has introduced a measure to outlaw salvia divinorum, a little-known psychedelic herb, thus virtually guaranteeing an increase in its popularity.

Having passed the House Public Safety and Civil Justice Committee on a voice vote late last month, the bill is now scheduled for a hearing in the House Public Safety Finance Committee sometime in the coming weeks.

"A hallucinogen as powerful [and splendid] as LSD should not be legal [and virtually unknown] here in our state," said Atkins in a press release. "This is clearly a potent, [cheap, and readily available] substance."

He went on to discourage anyone from going to www.salviadragon.com, where visitors can purchase salvia at a fairly reasonable price. —Matt Snyders

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