Donald J. Trump and Twitter are made for each other.
The medium lends itself to short bursts of blunt talk. The writer's message can receive instant validation -- and magnification -- from people who are actually called "followers."
Plus you can get in fights with people. Losers, mostly.
If Trump could skip the next presidential debate with #CrookedHillary Clinton, and just stay home tweeting mean things about her, he'd feel #blessed.
But no one's perfect, not even Donald. (He would tell you he's very close.) With this in mind, we bring you some of the lowlights of Trump's tumultuous recent history on Twitter.
The wonderfully useful Politwoops tool captures anything a notable American politician tweets, then decides better of, and deletes. Trump does this a lot. We've sorted these tweet-and-deletes into a few different categories to make them a little more digestible, if no easier to take.
Viewed in full, it's everything that is so very special about Donald Trump's candidacy.
Here, Donald tries to recognize the passing of someone who sounds like she might have played right fielder on a couple of National League All-Star teams.
On this one, Trump probably forgot the word "of." Then again, he's the only candidate in America who might thank his own candidacy.
The there/their mistake is an easy one for a lot of people. More interesting is Trump's inclusion of "waist." How often do you have to comment on a woman's figure before your phone assumes that's the word you want to use?
This time Trump just mixes up a couple of letters. Oh, and he also mixes up a democratic nomination system, international trade, war, and immigration.
Here's the candidate misspelling the name of the only website that's pulling for him to win outside Breitbart and Stormfront.org.
Here, Trump gets very, very close to a full-throated response to an attack ad, replete with a positive endorsement of his own character and judgment. Then he messes it up. Shame!
The person in this next tweet is actually named Barbara Res, who once worked for Donald Trump, and now says he's "very angry." This effectively baited Trump into proving that she's correct. But it also revealed that even his phone's autocorrect is worried about his hair.
Bob McDonnell is a corrupt Republican politician who traded away the power of the executive branch in the Commonwealth Virginia for a Rolex watch. Bob McDonald is the current Secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs and, as someone who actually works in government and is connected to the military, is categorically unknown to Donald Trump.
This one cuts off at "AMERI..." before Trump gets to the point, leaving his followers to guess how it ends.
"It's time to have a new Amerindian awakening to fight for the rights of indigenous people." No, that's not it.
More likely it's: "It's time to have a new Americone Dream ice cream carton in the freezer."
No, wait, got it: "We need a new Amerigo Vespucci, how come nobody goes exploring anymore, we used to do a lot more exploring back then. Sad!"
The size matter
Apparently, suggest anything about Donald Trump is not big enough, and he'll fly into a rage so blinding he cannot finish his thought with decipherable English diction.
The "Shit-fuck-shit, I'm still logged into Trump's Twitter!"
This one only lived online for about 20 minutes before it was deleted. It's supposed to be a nice note to conservative talk show queen Laura Ingraham. Only, it appears it wasn't Trump who'd met her. It was a couple of his "digitial directors". Whoops.
In each tweet featured in this set, Trump is linking to something good for him -- new poll numbers, say -- or bad for Hillary (a hatchet job of a documentary). A tweet endorsement from Donald can send a fleet of angry white guys your way. It's like when they cancel a Kenny Chesney concert.
The "What? Too soon?"
Here we see Donald Trump trying to directly, and immediately, capitalize on terrorism as a political benefit to himself; another time, he grabs the shooting death of NBA star Dwyane Wade's cousin and wears it like a bright red hat. The kind that would impress "the blacks."
The TV promo
Trump's more showman than politician. If he wants to be president, it's mostly because he'll be on TV all the time. He wants your vote. Sure, fine, whatever. But he needs you to tune in. And enjoy.
The Republicans he owns
Trump has never been much of a Republican, and the fact that he won the party's nomination just eats away at establishment party types who wanted someone (anyone) else to win. He never misses a chance to let them know who's their daddy now.
ATTACK OF THE CAPS LOCK
The time when Donald Trump read something (awful) he wrote and liked it so much he had to retweet it is the most honest thing he's done since he started running for president.
What is most surprising about Donald Trump's behavior on Twitter isn't what he deletes. It's what he leaves up. Just this morning, he went on a three-tweet jag attacking Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe. At the first debate, Hillary called out Trump for publicly bullying the winner of his beauty pageant. Evidently, he's not done.
Wow, Crooked Hillary was duped and used by my worst Miss U. Hillary floated her as an "angel" without checking her past, which is terrible!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2016
Using Alicia M in the debate as a paragon of virtue just shows that Crooked Hillary suffers from BAD JUDGEMENT! Hillary was set up by a con.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2016
Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2016
It's been six hours since Trump published these thoughts, and they're still there. This he stands by.
And that's the guy who wants to be president, and who enough Republicans thought should be president, and who, for a little while, looked like it might actually happen for him. And to us.
He won't win. Sad.
But we've got another five weeks of this shit.