'Heavy' snow headed for Minneapolis-St. Paul... or, as we call it, 'spring'

Welcome to Minneapolis. Follow arrows to find now.

Welcome to Minneapolis. Follow arrows to find now. Marlin Levinson, Star Tribune

It's just like that old saying goes: April snow showers bring utter despair and a series of questions about why anyone lives in this frozen patch of cursed earth. 

"Spring" officially started more than 10 days ago, according to the liars at Big Calendar, who would be wise to steer clear of Minnesota these next couple days. The state's in line for some serious snowfall that's set to arrive Monday and again on Tuesday, leaving at least a few inches -- perhaps a half-foot or more, depending on how the storm's path shakes out.

The Twin Cities National Weather Service predicts something on the order of one to three inches to fall today, with snow expected mid-morning, and lasting long enough to mess up everyone's drive home. The second half of our "don't-buy-one, get-one-free-anyway, suckers" deal will blow in Tuesday morning, though NWS says that one is "tricky" to predict, with the worst of it currently tracking south of the metro. 

That still looks like a two-day total of up to eight inches, per the latest model run.

But hey, look on the bright side: It's also... unseasonably cold? (Shit, should've checked how that sentence was going to end before we got started.)

As Star Tribune meterologist Paul Douglas notes, the Twin Cities got 8.7 inches in the month of March, which was actually a relatively light month, given what we're used to (or should be by now). April is another story: The Minneapolis-St. Paul airport receives an average of just 2.4 inches that month.

We might surpass that sum today, and will surely bury it tomorrow, along with our dreams.

Minnesota Public Radio says Monday afternoon's snow might be combined with some "light rain or drizzle," which sounds like the makings of some ugly conditions. "Tuesday morning rush hour is expected to be very slow," adds MPR, which apparently forgot to pluralize "hour" to "hours."

In related news, 10-15 of your friends who bought tickets to the Twins home opener are suddenly not feeling well, and are wondering if anyone wants to take the tix off their hands for a good price. Mittens sold separately.