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God (still) hates Vikings fans: Dalvin Cook out for the season

Which Vikings fan pissed off God? And could they please just apologize?

Which Vikings fan pissed off God? And could they please just apologize? Associated Press

What did Minnesota Vikings fans expect?

Upon drafting Dalvin Cook, a promising running back out of Florida State, the organization and its supporters could have hoped he might some day fill the hole left by the departed Adrian Peterson. 

It turned out that day was Day 1: In his first game, Cook set the record for most yards by a Vikings rusher making his debut. Later that same night, he went to a restaurant and made record-breaking-celebrating-stir fry for his family.

Through three games, Cook ran for 288 yards, breaking another record for most ground covered in a Minnesota player's first three games. Both records had belonged to Peterson. 

But Minnesota sports fans are not allowed to enjoy anything for long. Yesterday, with the Vikings tied 7-7 in the third quarter in a home game against the Detroit Lions, Cook ran through a hole, tried putting a move on a Lions defender, and instantly went down holding his left knee... but not the ball, which he dropped in response to his visible pain. 

Detroit went on to score on its next drive, and to win, 14-7.

Monday brought the news everyone feared but somehow knew was coming. Cook tore his goddamn fucking ACL, of course, will undergo surgery, and miss the rest of his rookie season.

Looks like it's already time to update that all-time Vikings' "Legacy of Failure" low-light reel

Unless Minnesota finds another running back (know anyone?), Cook's carries will now fall to some combination of Jerrick McKinnon and Latavius Murray, who have combined for 64 yards on 24 carries. 

Minnesota's still 2-2, and quarterbacks Teddy Bridgewater and Sam Bradford -- both coming off their own knee injuries -- are expected back soon. Meanwhile, wide receiver Michael Floyd will return from his DUI suspension next week, and will join Stefon Diggs and Adam Thielen, who have both excelled this year. Plus, the Vikings defense remains... 

Oh, what's the point? Do not get your hopes up. Do not expect Minnesota to make it one more week without some terrible thing befalling a key Vikings figure. Our coach was out there last season with a fucking eye patch. Expect to hear any moment that Xavier Rhodes has torn a muscle that doctors had previously never heard of and that Harrison Smith will miss three weeks after accidentally swallowing an entire Gatorade bucket.  

We have clearly upset the Almighty, and we are being punished. Whichever one of you did it, please say you're sorry.