If you watched Fox & Friends this morning, you're probably writing a Facebook post decrying the massive conspiracy to frame Jeffrey Epstein as a pedophile when he's just a "terrific guy" who likes boats and "beautiful women" on the "younger side," like, say, 14.
If you did not watch Fox & Friends, you might be a functioning adult with a job and responsibilities. Allow us to distract you.
This morning, the flagship morning show of the Death Star discussed news from St. Louis Park, home to Al Franken, the Coen brothers, and a budding controversy over whether anyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance goes to the newly constructed Social Justice Warrior Jail, where Alexandria-Ocasio Cortez whips you until you're a communist and gay.
That's the impression Donald Trump got from a segment on his (no joke!) favorite television show. Seriously, Donald Trump trusts Fox & Friends so much he recently used it to reveal he's having a mental health crisis by calling in and exhibiting obvious symptoms of a mental health crisis on national television.
When he's not busy doing that, Trump is taking his dementia-laced and largely self-involved nationalism out on Twitter. Today, that meant watching occasionally local fool Pete Hegseth talk about the "folks" in St. Louis Park protesting a move to stop saying the Pledge of Allegiance before every goddamn city meeting.
There's been a negligible amount of blowback. About 49,000 people live in St. Louis Park, and last night almost 0.2 percent of them showed up to protest this move. They also all stood up and said the pledge, apparently eager to relive elementary school.
Here's a line from the Star Tribune story about this:
On Monday night, Tammy Hopps of Brooklyn Park passed out small American flags, saying they’re what gives Americans the freedoms they have.
Thank you, Tammy From Out Of Town, for pointing out that what little freedom Benito Mesohorny grants ([some] white) people comes from little flags made in China.
Here's ol' bad-axe-throwin' Pete putting on his most sickeningly Minnesooooowta accent to talk about this with Steve Doocy and whichever former model has agreed to put up with their shit this year.
Imagine getting this worked up over the Pledge of Allegiance pic.twitter.com/wvPrMSQN60— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) July 9, 2019
And here's Donald completely misconstruing the news from a city that gave 25.5 percent of its votes to him in 2016.
Outrage is growing in the Great State of Minnesota where our Patriots are now having to fight for the right to say the Pledge of Allegiance. I will be fighting with you! @foxandfriends— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 9, 2019
Why does he capitalize random Words like That? Can he please come to St. Louis Park and stop in at Beth El Synagogue for a lesson on anti-Semitism? Is Minnesota really a Great State?
Usually, yeah. Especially in 2018, when it bounced Trump's defenders out of office and rejected his acolytes like an attractive woman rejecting a vile old man who is bragging about owning golf courses, not bombing Iran, and being friends with rich men who like underage girls.