Physical Characteristics: Gaunt and bushy-haired, usually wearing Chaco sandals and flannel.
Natural Habitat: In the redwood forest, living in a tree house; you'll smell him from two miles downwind.
Personal Disposition: Childish.
Evolutionary Purpose: To throw a monkey wrench at progress.
Place on the Food Chain: Lowest rung. These fifth-level vegans won't eat anything with a shadow.
Feeding Behavior: Subsist on bean curds.
Mating Call: "Hayduke lives, man. Hayduke lives!"
Weapon of Choice: Their ability to chain themselves to stuff.
Your Best Defense: A shield made of live bunnies.
Danger Level: Moderate to high. This might be a good week to leave the SUV in the garage.
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