E. coli closes Mpls beaches, prompts officials to warn against coming to beach while shitty [UPDATE]

Please don't come to the beach with the runs, you guys.
Please don't come to the beach with the runs, you guys.
Image by Tatiana Craine

:::: UPDATE :::: Park Board officials explain elevated E. coli levels in Minneapolis lakes

The 32nd Street Beach on Lake Calhoun and the Lake Hiawatha beach are closed this morning after unacceptable levels of E. coli were detected at both on Tuesday evening (the beaches have been closed since).

SEE ALSO: Wisconsin nude beach closed on weekdays; authorities cite sex and drugs

In addition to the Minneapolis closures, the beaches at Snelling Lake in St. Paul, Valley Lake Beach in Lakeville, and Excelsior Beach on Lake Minnetonka are also closed. MPR, citing state officials, reports that three Lake Minnetonka swimmers recently became sick with E. coli infection.

"Officials say the high levels are most often from waterfowl and pet wastes in yards, streets and parks that wash into lakes either directly or via the storm sewers after a heavy rain," the Star Tribune reports.

The heightened E. coli levels prompted Minneapolis Park Board officials to issue this helpful lists of dos and don'ts:

- Don't swim when you have diarrhea.

- Don't swallow lake water.

- Practice good hygiene. Shower with soap before swimming. - Wash your hands thoroughly after using the toilet or changing diapers.

- Take children on bathroom breaks or change diapers often.

- Change diapers in a bathroom, not at beachside.

In other words, don't come to the beach shitty -- literally.

The Southwest Journal reports that E. coli levels at Lake Calhoun will be tested again around noon today, and officials are confident the beach will be reopened shortly thereafter.

:::: UPDATE ::::

Oh, shit -- WCCO's Chris Simon reports that Calhoun Beach will reopen today but Hiawatha will be closed at least through Monday due to high bacterial levels.

-- Follow Aaron Rupar on Twitter at @atrupar. Got a tip? Drop him a line at

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