Duluth couple blasts "pagan" Olympics, write that it "made one think of pedophiles"
Or so they write in a letter to the Duluth Budgeteer News editor, which is currently tearing its way around the internet as a "wonderful" example, says Deadspin's Barry Petchesky, of how "there is nothing in the world like the letters to the editor section of a small newspaper."
The Mitchells rail against even the gymnasts and swimmers, those fan favorites, for their "sexualized," "buttocks"-exposing leotards and "hip-huggers trunks stopping just above their pubic region." No gender bias here: The couple is offended equally by male and female athletes.
The competitors' clothes so disturbed Dennis and Rosemarie that they gave up on watching sports altogether, and resigned themselves to the Olympic ceremonies. But the entertainment was no better.
They call the opening ceremony "dark, loud, sexualized with scanty clothes and revealing cleavage on women, and with disturbing pagan noise. Connecting children, beds plus frightening villains made one think of pedophiles." Really? Most of the rest of the world was thinking of Britain's literary history.
Even the color scheme was sinful. "The black and red colors of sex and violence dominated most of the closing. The nuns were obviously there to mock Christianity while one could only think of Satan being glorified." It's true, black and red always connote sex and violence.
Who could have been behind such theatrics? "The English seem to have put teens who worship Satan in charge."
The Mitchells, of course, see this as a larger societal problem. Referring to the athletes' tight and skimpy gear, the couple writes, "These styles are also now worn in our schools and colleges, which no one seems to have objected to."
There was one moment of relief for the couple. "The comical entrance of the queen was one of the few bright spots." Leave it to the Queen of England to uphold some decorum. But Elizabeth aside, the future is dim. "Rio Di [sic] Janeiro has nothing better to offer with more dark juvenile entertainment and women parading around sexually, displaying cleavage and little talent."
The complaint doesn't seem to be a prank. On Twitter, after MinnPost's David Brauer wondered if the letter was really "from UMD undergrad with a sense of humor," the Duluth News Tribune confirmed that the Mitchells are locally known. "It's legitimate," @duluthnews tweeted. "We've heard from the couple before."
For further verification, another tweeter remembered this 40th wedding anniversary announcement, which explains that Dennis and Rosemarie married in New York City in 1970. What could they have thought of that city of sin?
The anniversary announcement also gives us faces to put to the scathing Olympics rebuke. Here's the couple, then and now:
Between the Mitchells and Rep. Kerry Gauthier, Duluth has enjoyed a fine few days of national attention.
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