Don't worry, Gopher fans: P.J. Fleck is here to graph 'what success looks like'

Ah, now we see.

Ah, now we see. Twitter; @gopherfootball

When P.J. Fleck arrived on campus in January, bullshit detectors throughout Minnesota began quivering.

The first-year Gophers football coach comes off like a Pixy Stix-snorting used Bible salesman, hawking big promises and incessant boat metaphors; Deadspin dubbed him the "Swaggiest Bro-Coach to Have Ever Swagged"; he tweets stuff like this

Fleck's freshman season is now two-thirds complete, and the results aren't great: The 4-5 Gophers, fresh off a 33-10 shellacking at Michigan's Big House, have just one Big 10 victory. 

But don't fear, Gophers fans. At his press conference Monday, coach Fleck busted out his vision for "what success looks like." Turns out success is a crudely drawn graph, one that conveniently dips low early on, before rocketing to the top! 


To be fair, Fleck, 36, began his head coaching career at Western Michigan with a 1–11 record. Then he bounced back with three consecutive bowl-game appearances, capped by a perfect 13-0 campaign last year that ended in a Cotton Bowl loss to Wisconsin. 

So maybe the zig-zaggy arrow of success is right on course. How can you help propel it to the corner of the 8x10 piece of paper? At least part of the formula sounds ... kinda threatening: