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Donald Trump’s mirror files restraining order for stalking

Trump denounced the mirror as “fake,” calling it a “dog,” a “fat pig,” “ugly,” a “crying lowlife,” “Miss Piggy,” “extraordinarily low IQ,” and “horseface.”

Trump denounced the mirror as “fake,” calling it a “dog,” a “fat pig,” “ugly,” a “crying lowlife,” “Miss Piggy,” “extraordinarily low IQ,” and “horseface.” The Tonight Show

Discord within the Trump administration took a leap yesterday when a longtime fixture of D.C. politics, a White House mirror, accused the president of stalking.

The allegations were laid out in a petition for a restraining order against Trump. It charges the commander in chief with a “pattern of relentless stalking” that includes “ogling, lewd and lascivious peeping, and gaping of a sexual nature.”

The mirror, which works in the bathroom of the presidential bedroom suite, is asking for no monetary damages. It is, however, seeking injunctive relief that would restrict Trump’s interactions to official duties, such as teeth-brushing, makeup applications, and comb-over regimens.

Little is known about the mirror or its political leanings. It’s served the White House since 1971, when the previous mirror was fired by President Richard Nixon. News files indicate it’s largely avoided the limelight, though rumors arose in the late ‘90s concerning unwanted kisses blown by President Bill Clinton.

Though Trump has been accused of sexual misconduct by 22 other women, this marks the first time charges have been leveled by an inanimate object.

In a series of early morning tweets, Trump denounced the mirror as “fake,” calling it a “dog,” a “fat pig,” “ugly,” a “crying lowlife,” “Miss Piggy,” “extraordinarily low IQ,” and “horseface.”

“Get back to me when you lose a few pounds,” the president wrote.

The barrage was followed by a hastily called press conference, where Sarah Huckabee Sanders attempted to walk back the president’s comments. She claimed Trump was referring not to the mirror, but to Hillary Clinton, Megyn Kelly, Omarosa, Maxine Waters, a 1996 Miss Universe Pageant winner, and assorted porn stars he never slept with.

Sanders denied there was a fissure between Trump and bathroom fixtures or beauty products working in the administration. “The president has always maintained a respectful and cordial relationship with all appliances and grooming aids,” she asserted.

Yet the mirror’s attorney, Michael Avenatti, was soon appearing on CNN, podcasts, neighborhood message boards and any other media outlet his secretary could schedule on short notice. The lawyer accused Trump of “grotesque and despicable behavior” that began within minutes of occupying the White House.

Avenatti charged the president with daily harassment, saying it begins each morning during commercial breaks of Fox & Friends, tapers during golf outings and Shepard Smith Reporting, then reaches a crescendo of “desperate leering and unwanted advances” during Hannity.

“Though Ms. Mirror is a wall-mounted object, it still deserves dignity in the workplace,” Avanetti said in an interview with Miriam Schultz, host of an Instagram page devoted to the scrapbooking scene in Blanchard, Oklahoma. “This president’s disgraceful treatment of women and bathroom accessories must stop.”

No hearing has been set to hear arguments on the petition. White House sources say that Trump’s lawyers are privately engaged in settlement talks.