As you've probably heard, Dr. Bill "Your copay going up to $40 for an office visit is the sound of the market working" McGuire agreed yesterday to pony up $420 million he raked in from likely illegal (and unquestionably shameful) backdated stock options and other perks of running UnitedHealth Group, the largest private "health care provider" in the country.
The money is in addition to $198 million the former CEO, shameless crook, and all-around disgraceful human being had already returned to the Minnetonka-based company, and is on top of a record-breaking $7 million fine paid to the SEC to get the feds off his back already. (Don't start feeling too sorry for the guy: Dr. Bill is still keeping more than $800 million in shady stock options—or, looked at another way, his customers' ever-skyrocketing monthly premiums and copays—for himself.)
All told, former UnitedHealth execs have returned more than $900 million in ill-gotten gains to the company's coffers in the backdating scandal.
Given that UnitedHealth is the proud taker of pre-tax dollars from the paychecks here at humble old City Pages, the whole thing feels a bit, um, personal? But dispassionate observers that we are, we've decided it best to just let the numbers speak for themselves.
In a nod to improving customer relations, the company announced the $900 million will go toward eliminating monthly premiums to 681,000 customers for an entire year. Oh wait. We mean, the money will go to lining the pockets of the company's aggrieved shareholders. Our bad.
In light of all this glum news for old man McGuire, we thought it best to give him the last word.
"The last 18 months have been an extraordinarily challenging period for my family, and I am pleased to have reached a resolution," the thieving, free-market-uber-alles preaching evildoer said in a statement.