Accommodations: Arriving late on Tuesday, I'm stationed
a block from Centennial Olympic Park

           at one of several hotels taken over by the media for the 1996 Olympics. But I'm an imposter here, credential-less, the guest of a friend who's covering the Games for a national newsweekly. For $10 a night, I get to share his room, which looks onto the solid square block of cast concrete that is the Atlanta Apparel Mart. From the street comes a continuous roar of generators for concession stands, punctuated by the plaintive whistles of cops directing traffic and the cries of people hawking stuff, often with the help of bullhorns. "Icycoldwateronedahla!" screams a woman for hours on end, while another guy begs in an exaggerated Southern slur, "Come on dooown, get out of your cars for some souveneeers, come ooooooon down."

           The Premier Event: Thursday afternoon a capacity crowd takes two hours to funnel into a single entrance at the Georgia Dome for the women's gymnastics all-around finals; security has been doubled because the First Family is in attendance. Yesterday I hustled on Peachtree Street's open-air ticket market full of sharks, shysters, and yes, some honest folk: After impulsively visiting a "Cash Cow" ATM ($3 surcharge), I got a prized gymnastics ticket for six bucks less than face value. For $100, my view of the world's 36 best gymnasts is roughly equivalent to a four-ring flea circus featuring lots of flipping, leaping, prancing, and arm flourishes. The guy next to me kindly offers his binoculars--at least when Americans aren't performing--and I feel creepily powerful scrutinizing Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea.

           What If They Threw A Party and No One Came?: Downtown and its environs are full of woefully underpatronized souvenir stands, parking-lot carnivals, and beer gardens intended as diversions for the Olympic hordes. Atlanta had overzealously sold vendor licenses--one cab driver says his friend paid $5,000 for part of a tent--and by the time I leave, many booths aren't even bothering to open. The little guys don't stand a chance against the big money that's here. Centennial Olympic Park, for instance, is a clean and colorful corporate wonderland squirming with bodies; at night, Budweiser's sparkling water art holds people in thrall, a light show plays across the white tents of the AT&T Global Olympic Village, and the Swatch Pavilion glows a mod pink. But the scrappy vendors persevere. With the help of bullhorns, two undaunted blondes try to lure revellers from "Sports Jam '96" over to "Atlanta Jaz Fest '96," just up the street from my hotel. "We've got two-dollar, 16-ounce Budweisers just around the corner!" Apparently, no one's nibbling: The next night one of them is on the corner demanding, "Come to Jaz Fest, sit down, and RELAX!"

           Thespians for Jesus: Several troupes of Christian youth roam the streets of downtown Atlanta, performing evangelistic guerrilla theater. My favorite production takes place on the street between Coca-Cola Olympic City and Centennial Olympic Park. Jesus and the devil, flanked by assorted minions, engage in a Rocky-esque battle with lots of lip-synching to pre-recorded dialogue, and an extremely well-choreographed fight. Jesus eventually kicks the devil's ass, and the small crowd cheers wildly. It quickly disperses, however, once the preaching begins. There are more pressing matters at hand: The line is an hour long just to get into the Nike Superstore.

           Ground Zero: I'm asleep at the hotel when my friend calls from the press center about the bomb . The rest of the night is devoted to watching Tom Brokaw on the TV and surveying the hoopla on the street from the ninth-floor balcony. Army privates and a squadron of cops set up barriers to confine members of the press to the sidewalk; ambulances, along with BATF, AT&T, and FBI vehicles, race back and forth to the park; helicopters and a blimp circle continuously. I watch Brokaw's Klieg-lit colleague from NBC talking into his mike down on the corner, and then look into the room and see him on TV. Going outside myself, I feel naked: After all, with neither credentials nor camera, or even a notebook, I could be engaged in "suspicious activity." The next day brings still more guys in fatigues, and over a hundred bomb threats. The one on our hotel comes near midnight. Everyone stands around across the street, the photogs taking pictures with fancy oversized lenses, the journalists trying to reason with the army guys as to exactly why they can't walk down a certain stretch of sidewalk.

           End of the Party: As our hotel is being searched, Ms. Jaz Fest '96 is still pacing the sidewalk, entreating people via bullhorn to get their heinies into her party. If they don't, I'm afraid she'll become a mad bomber herself. Alas, as I head for the airport Sunday afternoon, Jaz Fest is closing down. Along with countless other would-be nouveau riche vendors, these folks saw their dreams of Olympic gold die early. Maybe some of them will recoup a few bucks turning the site back into a parking lot. *

--Julie Caniglia


           The human race, let's face it, needs help. Fortunately, the SELF-HELP INDUSTRY exists to help. Take Stan Olson, author of A Single Man Opens His Heart and Tells the Truth, who promises his readers he'll "give you straight answers to questions you have wanted answered for a long, long time." Olson's signature philosophical tome repeats like Carmen's death refrain through all 95 pages: "You and I want to be happy, and to be happy we must be together, play together, and share together in this sandbox called life. I was not sent here to steal your pail and pull your braids. You were not sent here to grab my shovel and throw sand in my face. We were put here to play and share our lives together." Olson, it's no surprise, lists a Las Vegas post office box. Viva the great sandbox. More straight-talk from Stan follows:


           ...Pity the person who feels love/lust for someone and does not like that person. Better to be addicted to rattlesnake venom. How about spending 40 hours in the presence of a potential love mate before you lie down with that person. Why? So you don't get deeply in love/lust with some jerko you don't like. A lady had animal heat crazy love/lust for a smooth guy. Turned out he was in the mob. She did not like the Mafia life-style or ethics. She walked away before she allowed her love/lust to ruin her life.


           It seems...that there are two absolutes the decent guys look for. The first is a sense of positive gratitude. The glass is not half-empty, it is half-full. Her life reflects--Thank you God--Thank you God--Thank you God. As Edwin used to say, "Grateful people are happy people and those that aren't, aren't." The second absolute is a sense of humor. Take anything away from our relationship, but don't take away our ability to laugh with each other. Gratitude and laughter can overcome 99 percent of our so-called problems including impotency (temporary) and children who won't leave the nest.

           LOVE AND FOOD

           If half the people on Mother Planet Earth think the other half is "just dessert" what chance do we have of having a good time? We need partners and friends, lovers and mates, not entrees and desserts.


           So you find yourself attracted to men who have healthy men friendships. This is good, because until a man learns how to enjoy, care for, and, yes, love another man on a celibate level where that big powerful thing called sex is not involved, what chance does he have to enjoy, care for, and, yes, love you when that big powerful thing called sex is involved?

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