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County Attorney Mike Freeman talks about pot like a fifth-grade DARE teacher

If the shipment had reached the streets, authorities believe it could have caused an uncontrollable spike in viewership of the Cartoon Network.

If the shipment had reached the streets, authorities believe it could have caused an uncontrollable spike in viewership of the Cartoon Network.

Minneapolis Police rang in the new year with a massive marijuana bust, one of the city's largest on record.  

Employees at grocery warehouse Metro Produce in Minneapolis discovered the goods in a shipment from California. More than 100 kilos of pot were tucked among the lettuce and the cucumbers.

The shipment was addressed to Steven Yang of Brooklyn Center, who’s been arrested and charged with first degree possession and intent to sell. Police aren't saying why the weed ended up at Metro Produce. 

Fox 9 reports it was “high-grade marijuana,” the kind of stuff with a potential retail value of millions of dollars.

But Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman was far more troubled by the find. In fact, the situation was so grave he was forced to invoke some grade school DARE training materials to properly strike the fear of reefer into the hearts of the innocent masses.

At a Government Center press conference, Hennepin's top lawman stressed the devastation awaiting polite society had the batch of marijuana made it into public circulation. 

“This is not your grandfather’s pot that he had in the '60s,” Freeman warned, referring to the Period of Great Darkness, when weed tended to suck. “This stuff is really strong. It’s bad news bears.”

The danger, the prosecutor went on, was compounded by the high likelihood that Yang was not trying to acquire all this pot for personal use, since it's really hard to smoke $1 million worth of pot, and Yang hadn't trained for such a feat. 

“He is selling it to make money,” Freeman explained. “This is a lot of stuff that is going to mess up a lot of people.” 

By confiscating the shipment, police believe they prevented a mass outbreak of vague indifference and cravings for marshmallow cereals. 

Yang's charges come with a terrifying maximum of 30 years in prison and a $1 million fine, but sentencing guidelines could reduce that to seven years.