Coen brothers' "Lebowski" translated into Shakespeare's tongue

Coen brothers' "Lebowski" translated into Shakespeare's tongue
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We already know that St. Louis Park's Coen brothers are geniuses of the cinema. And we know that their follow-up to "Fargo," "The Big Lebowski," has attained cult status. So what's left? Shakespeare.

A guy named Adam Bertocci has taken the Lebowski screenplay and translated it into "Two Gentlemen of Lebowski," with words befitting The Bard. The characters include Geoffrey "The Knave" Lebowski, "two thugs" named Blanche and Woo, Sir Walter of Poland, Sir Donald of Greece, Sir Geoffrey of Lebowski and his wife, Bonnie.

From Act 1, Scene 1:

[THE KNAVE's house. Enter THE KNAVE, carrying parcels, and two THUGS. They fight]

BLANCHE Whither the money, Lebowski? Faith, we are servants of Bonnie; promised by the lady good that thou in turn were good for't.

WOO Bound in honour, we must have our bond; cursed be our tribe if we forgive thee.

BLANCHE Let us soak him in the commode, so as to turn his head.

WOO Aye, and see what vapourises; then he will see what is foul.

[They insert his head into the commode]

BLANCHE What dreadful noise of waters in thine ears! Thou hast cooled thine head; think now upon drier matters.

Folks, it's Friday. Download the play here. Pull on your bathrobe. Knock back a few White Russians. Enjoy.

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