Clintonville, Wisconsin rattled -- literally -- by mysterious, unexplained booms

Nobody knows what's causing mysterious vibrations and booms in northeast 'Sconnie.
Nobody knows what's causing mysterious vibrations and booms in northeast 'Sconnie.

God hates Wisconsin. How else do you explain the mysterious booms that are causing so much angst in Clintonville?

Many residents of the town, located about 45 minutes west of Green Bay, were kept up throughout the night Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday as sounds and vibrations reminiscent of thunder, fireworks, or someone slamming a heavy door rumbled around them.

Said Clintonville resident Jolene Van Beek: "My husband thought it was cool, but I don't think so. This is not a joke. I don't know what it is, but I just want it to stop."

During an emergency public meeting yesterday, city administrator Lisa Kuss announced that the city will spend $7,000 to hire an engineering firm to place seismometers around the city. Kuss added, however, that "it's possible we'll never have a definite answer" about the source of the mystery. We remind her that God works in mysterious ways.

Joking aside, the mysterious booms are causing serious hardship. Clintonville resident Sharon Binger said the vibrations have left cracks in her basement walls and floors. Her insurance won't pay for the damage until the cause of the shaking is determined. Some residents have gone as far as to flee town until the shaking stops, in the process becoming Wisconsin refugees.

Geologists think they know what isn't causing the booms, but remain as baffled by everyone else about what is causing them.

Said Harold Tobin, geoscience professor at UW-Madison:

We hypothesize that God simply hates Wisconsin.
We hypothesize that God simply hates Wisconsin.

I think we can rule out that standard earthquake activity, [that] some swarm of earthquakes is happening in that region. It also really looks like it's not connected to, say, unusual drilling activity or some other kind of real obvious human induced signal.

Steve Dutch, a geologist at UW-Green Bay, said he's heard from people who are worried about a sinkhole opening up and swallowing Clintonville homes. Dutch said he doubts the small Wisconsin town will be sucked into one of hell's outer circles, but acknowledged the booms could be caused by underground rocks shifting due to a low water table.

New reports suggest the mysterious booms are spreading -- vibrating and shaking was also reported this week in Montello, a town about 80 miles south of Clintonville.

Chalk it up as one more reason to avoid Wisconsin.

(Reminds us of this video of similar unexplained sounds "apparently" happening around the world last January. This guy pretty much much debunks it, but it's still creepy.)

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