Charges: John Lind of Blaine ejaculated in coworker's coffee... on more than one occasion
-- Update at bottom --
Warning: the following story is about as gross and awful as it gets, folks.
According to charges filed in Ramsey County, 34-year-old Blaine resident John Lind had a crush on one of his coworkers at Beisswenger's in New Brighton. That's not criminal. What is, however, is the beyond-belief sick way he expressed his affection.
On more than one occasion, Lind allegedly ejaculated into her coffee. Not only that... but she unknowingly drank the dastardly concoction.
Lind was caught in the act on August 26, when the woman returned to her work space and saw Lind standing at her desk with his back turned, his hands "in front of him near his genitals."
"When Lind suddenly noticed that [the woman] was behind him, he looked at her with a 'deer in headlights' expression," the complaint says. "Lind... quickly entered another room, and slammed the door behind him. Approximately 10 seconds later, Lind came out of the room and said, 'I had a question for you, but I forgot it,' and he left the area."
Inspecting her desk, the woman noticed that something smelled strange. She originally thought it was spoiled milk.
The criminal complaint then offers up this horrifying passage: "[The woman] had an ongoing issue with a foul taste in her coffee but she had not considered that it may have been tampered with until that day."
She "noted that there was a large amount of clear liquid on top of her desk and dripping onto the floor," the complaint continues. "[She] had a hair scrunchy on top of her desk that had absorbed a large amount of the liquid, and she collected the item and placed it inside a plastic bag."
At that point, she called police. She told officers Lind was in the habit of approaching her at work with his zipper down. In fact, it had gotten so bad she'd told him she'd report him if he did it again.
Officers summoned Lind to the New Brighton Public Safety Center. Even though he was told he wasn't under arrest and didn't need to speak to authorities, he allegedly volunteered this version of events (from the complaint):
Lind said that he likes [the woman] and is attracted to her. Lind admitted that he ejaculated on [her] desk and in her coffee on August 26, 2014. Lind denied that his actions were out of revenge because [she] had threatened to report his behavior...
When told that [she] had said her coffee had tasted odd for a couple of months, Lind admitted that he had ejaculated into her coffee twice within the last six months. He ultimately admitted to four separate incidents where he ejaculated on [her] desk or other items. Lind also said he used [her] hair scrunchy to wipe up his ejaculate.
When asked why he did this, Lind said he thought it was a way to get [her] to notice him. He denied that it was a sexual compulsion that he could not control. Lind said he knew it was wrong, and he did it anyway. Lind denied having ever done this to other women. Lind indicated he was sorry for what he had done, and he said he knew it was gross and wrong.
Police subsequently told the woman about Lind's confession.
"I knew it. I have drank his semen," she said, according to the complaint. "I just thought it was spoiled milk."
Lind has been charged with fifth degree criminal sexual conduct and attempted criminal sexual conduct. The former has a maximum penalty of one year behind bars, the latter six months.
Since Lind was charged by summons, no mugshot is available, unfortunately.
:::: UPDATE ::::
We may not have a mugshot, but a tipster directed us to an online bio of a "John L." who works for Beisswenger's (or at least used to), including a photo. View it here.
Another tipster sent us a link to the same man's LinkedIn page.
Tony Webster tells us the "John L." bio has been removed from Beisswenger's website, which suggests he's no longer employed there:
-- Tony Webster (@webster) September 4, 2014
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss City Pages' biggest stories.