Supreme confidence helped ex-NFLer Arian Foster steamroll defenses this decade with the Houston Texans. But the Ely, Minnesota-based International Wolf Center thinks the former running back's confidence is misplaced in another arena: wolf-fighting.
Sound random? It is random. The saga began Sunday with these tweets from Foster:
wanna go camping but "wildlife" scares the shit outta me.— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i honestly think i can get a wolf 1 on 1 tho.— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
From there, the 6-foot-1, 227-pound quirky bruiser spent hours handicapping his hypothetical wolf fight -- the human advantage of opposable thumbs, the wolf disadvantage of being illiterate, his advantage of having four Pro Bowl nods, etc.
also hasn't been to 4 probowls, overcome those injuries and DOESNT HAVE THUMBS. advg: me, fucker. https://t.co/337xEc8k05— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Foster, who retired last year after eight seasons, laid out the matchup with a serious wink; there are no Mike Vick concerns. The NFL's most interesting man, an atheist poet-philosopher, clearly has a sense of humor.
And so does the International Wolf Center, which seized on this rare internet meme moment for wolves. Foster is correct in stating his size advantage, according to a press release issued Monday by the IWC, though it may not give him an edge. At just 65 to 130 pounds, a single wolf can take down a half-ton bison or musk ox.
"But would a wolf engage Arian in a fight?" the IWC asks. Probably not. Apparently the magnificent beasts go to great lengths to avoid humans in the wild.
The wolf experts were willing to concede one point: Arian's insistence about his thumb advantage is accurate. "To Arian's point, wolves do not have thumbs, nor do they need them," IWC points out. Bone-crunching jaws and muscle-packed bodies make wolves plenty deadly, and their speed and fearlessness surpass even Foster's, IWC states.
"All joking aside, wolves are a top predator in the wild," IWC's press release concludes. "We hope that Arian never comes in contact with a wild wolf, but if he does, we encourage him to admire its beauty and leave it alone for the safety of both himself, and the wolf. Just a sighting would give Arian a pretty terrific story to tell."
A truly teachable moment.