In Bob Kroll's defense—and let us know next time that phrase shows up on this website—it was Andy Merritt who started with the name-calling.
Last Wednesday, Merritt, a Minneapolis resident, found the Minneapolis Police Federation president on Facebook, where Kroll's profile picture shows him on stage and smiling with President Donald Trump at his recent and nutty Minneapolis rally.
Merritt's message to Kroll, seemingly out of the blue, was simple: "Nazi piece of shit." He left it at that.
A few days passed. Then this past weekend, to Merritt's surprise, Kroll wrote back. And at length.
Bob's first order of business was refuting Merritt's insult with a little family history.
"Actually," Kroll wrote, "I'm a Polish/Boehemian descendant. My grandfather was a WW1 vet that fought against the Germans; My father was a WW2 Vet that fought against the Germans/Nazi's [sic]. Nazi's [sic, again] were responsible for invading my ancestors. My brothers are Vietnam vets that fought against communism."
Bob's belief that Nazism = Germans is a little oversimplified, to put it charitably, and to say soldiers in the Vietnam War "fought against communism," full stop, would come as a shock to Vietnamese people who got bombed before they finished Das Kapital.
If Kroll's on shaky ground so far, this next part is pretty much quicksand [emphasis ours, wild brags and personal accusations Bob's]:
"I'm a 21 year Army reservist that defeated socialists in the cold war. We defeated the socialism that you love so much and want to bring to the U.S. because you are too pathetic to make a good living on your own. So I'm quite the contrary of a Nazi."
Is now a good time to remember Bob, a public figure whose job is often to speak on the record about matters of crime, punishment, life, and death, is writing all this to some dude who randomly called him a "Nazi piece of shit" on Facebook?
He wasn't done! "Keep spewing uniformed [sic] shit from your computer in your moms [sic] basement, loser."
Whoa, whoa. Wait one fucking minute. The "loser" writing from his "mom's basement" joke is reserved for bloggers, like the people who write for City Pages, and there is no way we're giving up that reputation to someone with a Facebook messenger account. We earned this!
"I thought the left was all accepting, tolerant, and welcome everyone?" Kroll writes. "Awful strong opinion for having never met me."
Kroll, now on his fourth consecutive unanswered message to a local internet man, then suggests he and Merritt should, in fact, meet in person. Here's how he frames that proposal:
"If you hate me so much, why don't you stop by and beat the shit out of me? 1811 University Ave. NE. Mid day Mon-Fri. My bet is it won't happen, because you are a cowardly cunt."
OK first of all, why just "mid day"? Is Bob not available to get the shit beat out of him in the morning? What if someone's got lunch plans?
For the record, Merritt says he has no plans to take Bob up on this dare, telling City Pages he'd "rather not get shot by [Kroll's] goons."
Kroll, for his part, did not respond to requests for comment, which means we didn't even get the chance to thank him for winning the Cold War.