Physical Characteristics: Soft and pale with a humpbacked posture; distinguishable by their pajamas.
Natural Habitat: The Starbucks to your left.
Personal Disposition: Cynical.
Evolutionary Purpose: To usher in the new-media era by linking to old-media stories and commenting on them.
Place on the Food Chain: Far below Matt Drudge, but above vloggers.
Feeding Behavior: Five weekdays of gorging followed by two days of lethargy.
Mating Call: http://www.dailykos.com/akucinichlikeme
Weapon of Choice: Hyperlink-sprinkled diatribes and self-absorbed meanderings—all created on a MacBook.
Your Best Defense: Original reporting.
Danger Level: Much like fast food, it's convenient, cheap, and leaves you with a fat ass.
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