Ward Sutton

Physical Characteristics: Soft and pale with a humpbacked posture; distinguishable by their pajamas.

Natural Habitat: The Starbucks to your left.

Personal Disposition: Cynical.

Evolutionary Purpose: To usher in the new-media era by linking to old-media stories and commenting on them.

Place on the Food Chain: Far below Matt Drudge, but above vloggers.

Feeding Behavior: Five weekdays of gorging followed by two days of lethargy.

Mating Call:

Weapon of Choice: Hyperlink-sprinkled diatribes and self-absorbed meanderings—all created on a MacBook.

Your Best Defense: Original reporting.

Danger Level: Much like fast food, it's convenient, cheap, and leaves you with a fat ass.


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