Black Hawk chopper to scare shit out of suburban grade schoolers

A sleek $6 million war machine will make a visit to Prior Lake's Grainwood Elementary School on June 4 to inspire intimidate a gaggle of slack-jawed 12-year-olds.

Weather permitting, a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter--a model commonly employed in the "war" against forbidden plants in foreign lands, particularly Colombia--will touch down on the Grainwood football field at about 2:15 p.m. and hold sway over the assembled humans.

The show-of-government-force will coincide with the students' graduation from D.A.R.E., a popular Drug War indoctrination program still used in 75 percent of schools nationwide.

A spokeswoman for the school district tells City Pages that the chopper's pilot will, among other things, illustrate why it's "impossible to fly the aircraft while under the influence of drugs," presumably by remaining sober and not crashing.

After the muscle-flexing ceremony, at least five students are expected to sneak off under the bleachers, pass around a joint, and ponder aloud the absurdity of their increasingly militarized lives.