When was the last time you did something nice for the Minnesota Vikings?
So, sure, if you've paid sales taxes in the city of Minneapolis any time recently, you're doing your part to pay for the team's fancy new stadium. But is that enough? Don't you feel like you owe the team not just your money, but your time?
Or what about the National Football League? The most successful sporting organization in American history is expecting to pull $13 billion in revenue this past year... but that still leaves the NFL only halfway to its "goal" of $25 billion by 2027. Isn't there anything you can do to help?
Do not worry, Minnesotans. Your opportunity to give back to the billionaires has arrived.
On Wednesday, the Minnesota Super Bowl Host Committee began accepting applications for "up to 10,000 volunteers" (!) to help welcome "more than one million guests" (!) to the "Bold North" (?) for the 2018 Super Bowl.
"Crew 52" is asking for registrants to commit to "three or more shifts," four to six hours each, in a "rewarding, yet demanding role." Qualified volunters should be "outgoing and knowledgeable about Minnesota," "willing to be flexible and help in all areas," and like doing favors for rich people.
About that "all areas" part: Not quite all areas. "PLEASE NOTE," reads a giant qualifier atop the volunteer plea: "We will not require any volunteer support inside U.S. Bank Stadium on Super Bowl Sunday."
Well, duh. If you let these volunteers into the stadium on game day, they wouldn't have to buy a ticket, which will probably go for something like $5,000, average. You can't go giving things out to people. Who do these peasants think they are? The NFL?
"What do you get?" asks an email that went out to members of the Host Committee's fan list. "A free uniform (winter-ready!) and a chance to be part of the biggest, boldest event to come to Minnesota in a generation."
Applicants will be screened in a series of (apparently 10,000 or more) one-hour interviews some time in fall 2017, just to "make sure each volunteer is a good fit for our team." Make the cut, and you'll be invited back for an orientation day, and then a "role specific training" in January. After those three visits on your own time, you will finally be ready to start donating your time to the the NFL.
Here's a video of just-retired Vikings linebacker (and, fittingly, a wearer of the No. 52 jersey) Chad Greenway, explaining the need for "passionate, do-anything-it-takes volunteers, that will introduce visitors from around the globe to our state, and our bold state of mind."
Thanks for the offer, Chad. But most people probably get it already: If you pay people for their time, there's less money left over for you at the end.
Perish the thought of these poor NFL owners having to stop making money... not even for the 10 days next year when they bring their traveling annual party to Minneapolis.