Andrew Welshons busted for wandering drunk and naked through women's dorm



College, it has been said, is a time for experimentation. Which means it's all about working through the steps of the scientific method. You remember how that goes.

Here's how your lab notebook might read if you were 19-year-old Andrew Welshons, a student at Minnesota State University in Moorhead:

  • Ask a question: What will happen if I get unreasonably drunk, strip naked, and start bothering women in the female wing of my dorm?
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  • Construct a hypothesis: It will be awesome.

  • Test your hypothesis: In the early hours of October 1, I got unreasonably drunk (a subsequent breath test registered 0.142 Blood Alcohol Content), stripped naked, and started bothering women in the female wing of my dorm. I first tried to enter the room of two women, then lounged around a nearby study area. At approximately 6:50 a.m., someone called the police, who brought me some pants and issued me two citations.

  • Analyze your data and draw a conclusion: The women did not like my experiment, and neither did the police, and I have a court date on Tuesday. The hypothesis was incorrect.