Ward Sutton

Physical Characteristics: They're the guys wearing black handkerchiefs over their faces, like they're about to rob a stagecoach or something.

Natural Habitat: Student co-ops, vegan potlucks, communes.

Personal Disposition: Enraged against machinery.

Evolutionary Purpose: Provide law enforcement the necessary pretense to indiscriminately arrest/shove/beat/mace any and all protesters and bystanders.

Place on the Food Chain: Against food chains, especially fast-food chains.

Feeding Behavior: They live off the scraps of others. In nature, this is known as "bottom-feeding," but they call it "freeganism."

Mating Call: "You do realize that the nation-state is a relatively new, arbitrary construct, right?"

Weapon of Choice: Molotov cocktails, righteous ideals, body odor.

Your Best Defense: A happy childhood.

Danger Level: Their disgust for any and all order keeps them from being a true threat.


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