9/11 Truthers

Ward Sutton

Physical Characteristics: 9/11 Truthers generally have thin builds, due to sleepless nights obsessing over the Illuminati, CFR, and Trilateral Commission.

Natural Habitat: YouTube.

Personal Disposition: Suspicious.

Evolutionary Purpose: To channel our frustration and fury with the Bush administration into one simple, easy-to-use dystopian nightmare. Also, to give Jesse Ventura something to talk about.

Place on the Food Chain: Somewhere between Alex Jones and Oliver Stone.

Feeding Behavior: If you've ever cooked up a meal for a Truther, you know that they usually insist you try it first.

Mating Call: "This story does not add up."

Weapon of Choice: Loose Change, Zeitgeist, and our ignorance about the heat resistence of steel girders.

Your Best Defense: Conventional wisdom.

Danger Level: Moderate. The pants-shittingly scary stuff that came out last month about the 2001 anthrax attack gives us pause. Fuck it, where's the tinfoil?


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