10/9 Morning Must Reads

Thursday's five most fascinating stories printed on wood pulp:

You know you live in the Midwest when... people complain about testicles Since Manny's moved adjacent to the W Hotel, customers have their panties in a bunch over their famous bull portrait which shows, GASP, his testicles. The complaints have been mainly during breakfast, so the restaurant puts a studded leather chastity belt on him during the a.m. hours. His male parts are unleashed for dinner time.

Pioneer Press discovers Dump Michele Bachmann four years late We're not sure if the Pioneer Press just discovered Dump Michele Bachmann or thought this was a good time to profile the site, but it definitely got some good play on the top page of their St. Paul section. The story profiles Eva Young, the owner of the blog. Bachmann's campaign says they never check out the site. "They are not worth it. It's a few people who apparently have nothing else to do besides find fault with Congresswoman Bachmann, who is fully committed to meeting the needs of her constituents. That is not their agenda.'' Yeah right. We don't believe that for a second. If there was a site ripping on you every day of the year, you'd just have to check it out once in awhile, if even for your own pleasure at the miserable haters.

Idiot: Don't carry the gun used for attempted murder A handgun found during a police traffic stop in Minneapolis in May unraveled a five-year-old mystery in Washington County, where a Lake Elmo woman was shot four times as she headed home in her car after watching her daughter play softball. Zachary Wiegand, 31, of Wisconsin, was charged with first-degree attempted murder, first-degree aggravated robbery and four other felony charges. He was arrested Tuesday at the Wal-Mart where he worked in St. Croix Falls, Wis. Real winner, right? Check out the Pioneer Press for an in-depth look.

Situps instead of sex: St. Paul fitness clubs get the OK In the 1980s, 24-hour fitness clubs were giving customers a different kind of workout. But now companies like Anytime Fitness convinced the St. Paul City Council they are serious about exercise and not doing the dirty deed. We aren't sure who we could really trust working out at 2 a.m. or 3 a.m., but we would probably borrow that bull's chastity belt just in case.

Have a miserable TGIF: Hang with McCain If you'd like to see a political campaign unravel and check out Cindy McCain's crazy tight face up close, this is your chance. About 2,000 free tickets are available for John McCain’s town-hall meeting at 4 p.m. Friday at Lakeville South High School. The tickets can be picked up at the McCain-Republican Party’s 12 state “Victory Offices,” including east metro sites at 666 Transfer Road, St. Paul; 12225 Wood Lake Drive, Burnsville; and 11025 Radisson Road N.E., Blaine.

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