With liberty and Miley Cyrus for all


Miley Cyrus and I are proud members of the millennial generation. We take pragmatic idealism, dress it up in a Jordan jersey, throw on some gold grills, and then have a globalized party via Twitter. We employ tactics of cultural disobedience in promoting our neo-Libertarian ideals. We advocate for ethnic, racial and sexual diversity, and female empowerment. We have a vision, and it's all-inclusive. Your fallen world is invite-only.

Hate on us all you want. Our generation will likely get more shit done that all generations who came before us -- combined. We're the actual modern-day hippies, in search of a utopian existence as your "real world" structure continues to suffer collapse. You can argue with Miley and me until you pass out, but there's one fact that you'll just have to swallow: We are the future.

See Also: Miley Cyrus plays a twerking Michele Bachmann on SNL

Our generation has long withstood verbal crucifixion for its sense of entitlement and narcissism, but these are two of our most effective weapons. Miley doesn't need your permission, and neither do the rest of us. We want the world, and we want it now. Let's get turnt up together. Generational tension, the prevalence of prejudice and discrimination between young and old, is just as fear-based and pathetic as racism and homophobia. Unity spawns progress.

Miley has a tattoo on her left forearm that reads, "So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory or defeat."

The line is from a 1910 speech by Theodore Roosevelt who, like Miley, believed that living life politely is ultimately a fruitless endeavor.


In 1950s post-World War II America, society adhered to an ideal of pragmatism, focusing on cars, homes, families, and careers. The 1960s came along. Suddenly, "the system" was the enemy. Idealism became the new trend. People figured out that doing drugs and getting laid was way more chill than the megalomaniacal ethos pushing towards war. They staged massive protests and made tons of cool music. These fun-loving revolutionaries were called hippies. The 1970s saw the dawning of atomized individualism, as Americans strayed from the previous decade's attitude of communitarianism.

Then something super cray-cray happened. The 1980s laid groundwork for the modern internet. By the end of the decade, approximately 1 million people -- 86 percent of them in the U.S. -- were using the internet. Bam! The millennial generation was born.

In 1992, about a year and a half before Kurt Cobain stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, Destiny Hope Cyrus entered this world. As an infant she was given the nickname "Smiley," which she eventually shortened to Miley. While some of you may have needed that refresher course in contemporary history, you probably don't need me to remind you of what Miley's been up to for the past 21 years. Let's get back to what's trending now: pragmatic idealism and the Libertarian Bangerz hippies.

Every night on her tour, Miley posts a video of herself singing before a wall of hysterical audience members on her Instagram page. During the day, she tweets endless amounts of selfies in bed with her dogs, drinking Starbucks. Millions of people all over the world follow her social media accounts. Millions of people can see that despite being one of the richest human beings on planet Earth, Miley is actually super chill and enjoys hanging out at home, because she has found happiness somewhere along the way of her ruthless pursuit of self-actualization. All that Miley wants is for us to love ourselves as she loves us. She wants us to be free.

The world right now is a seriously fucked up and depraved place. Thankfully, our generation has been provided with social and technological organization tools which we personally have pioneered to find meaning in our lives and have an impact on a global audience.

We know that staying quiet means that no one will hear us. We know that the fewer selfies we take, the fewer people will see our beautiful faces. Miley is on the archetypal historic conquest, and her internet-driven egocentric attitude reflects the motives of our nation's forefathers. American settlers believed in Manifest Destiny. Today's ultimate stronghold is the endless terrain of the digital landscape.


Remember only God can judge ya. Forget the haters, somebody loves ya.

Miley is a defender of liberty, her followers a posse of neo-libertarians. She maintains the metaphysical belief in free will. Aleister Crowley would be proud. Miley does what she wants, without regard for societal norms, and encourages us to let our freak flags fly along with her. Her performances grab more attention than most political summits, because they actually hallmark progress. One by one, states slowly begin to legalize marijuana and same-sex marriage, while Miley makes out with other women in a marijuana-leaf bedazzled leotard on stage. Her statement is radical yet entirely appropriate for the free world we now live in.

Its our party, we can do what we want to! Why are there so many wars going on right now, anyway? There's so much hate out there. We hate on each other for our sexual preferences, gender identities, and religious affiliations. We spend so much time hating that we're used to it.

Miley's smart enough to know that hate is a waste of time. In fact, hate is often used as a shield for our own internal battles. Miley and her fans are publicly doing what a lot of us do in private. What, none of you smoke weed? None of you white folks drive around in your Suburbans listening to gangsta rap? You're really going to turn this into a race thing? Don't even tell me you've never locked the door to your room and tried to twerk in front of your full-length mirror to see if you could pull it off. I know I have. I did it because I wanted to.

Eventually, to prove to myself that I could, I twerked on stage at a local strip club's amateur night. You know what? It felt good. I got money. Maybe I looked kind of foolish but it felt hot, and in a bizarre way I also felt like I was a part of a movement.
We are today's hippies! A movement of Bangerz fans, soaking in the vibrancy of our surrounding cultural melting pot, crusading for peace and love and truth while clingers-on like Macklemore predicate declarations with excuses and reminders that while he is indeed fighting for a cause, he is definitely not one of those people that he's fighting for. We don't need any more half-assed attempts at making a point. Go hard, or go home.

As for the uproar over Miley's sudden sexualization and casual nudity, it is unfortunate that even after the many sexual revolutions our nation has weathered, there is still a belief floating around that sexual repression is somehow still more "appropriate" than embracing one's sexuality. Like many of us millennials, Miley recognizes the awesomeness of being young and hot. She has the right to use her body as a power tool. She isn't built like a supermodel, doesn't have giant breasts, doesn't have long flowing hair, but it doesn't matter. She's comfortable in her own skin. Can you allow yourself to love your naked body? You don't have to flaunt it like Miley, but can you truly love it?

Sex can be powerful, provided that it's harnessed in a manner that denotes empowerment rather than self-degradation. Millennials know that the importance of sex appeal isn't going away any time soon so we embrace it rather than fight it. Being sexy doesn't mean that Miley is somehow desecrating Feminism or setting a bad example for other women. It's a personal choice that she made without ever once telling other people to do it too. When Miley became a celebrity, she never signed some kind of contract taking responsibility for being anyone's role model. Every individual has the ability to make their own decisions in regards to influence and idol-worship. Miley can do whatever she wants, and so can you. That's the point that she's trying to make.

Miley's world is a utopia. The homies are all there, in varying shapes, sizes and colors. Its a party, and everyone is invited. Feel free to drop in at any time, and stay as long as you'd like, or leave if you want -- no one is keeping you here. No one physically forced you to read this, either. Say what you want. Like Miley, I don't give a flying fuck. Forward thinkers like us know that any attention is good attention. This is our house, this is our roof... It's my mouth, I can say what I want to.

Miley Cyrus performs Monday, March 10 at the Xcel Energy Center. Hope to see you there!