Why Not Nicky?

When Paris Hilton announced her ugly split with Nicole Richie, her disciples trembled in their Mukluks. After all, Paris just isn't Paris without a second banana to prop up her tremendoid ego. Perhaps sensing this mass anxiety, Paris has named Kimberly Stewart (Rod Stewart's hard-partying, vaguely avian daughter) as her new costar on FOX's The Simple Life.

On question remains: why not Nicky? Paris's younger sister has always been a supportive friend, quietly beaming like a ceramic Virgin Mary at every Paris-centric event. Nicky never grouses to the press a la Jan Brady or attempts to upstage her sister; she even dyed her hair a plebian shade of brown lest we be distracted from Paris's gleaming drape of platinum. Nicky Hilton is the sacrificial lamb of the Spyder Club, the martyr of Body English. Has anyone actually heard her speak? Does anyone believe that her clothing designs are wildly popular in Japan?

Kimberly Stewart is undeserving of such honor. Give Nicky Hilton a chance to shine!

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