Whitesand/Badlands 7" release at 501 tonight

Whitesand/Badlands 7" release at 501 tonight

So I'm a "music writer," but I'm pretty bad at describing music. I drop a dollar in a bucket every time I use the words "they're like this one obscure band every music critic likes but you've never heard of meets this other band you've totally heard of, but would in no way meet the former band to create a band that sounds like this third band and yet I'm making that assertion so deal with it, I'm the critic." So far I think that bucket has two bucks in it and someday, I'll donate it to either the Ronald McDonald House or the Shriners. (Shriners, duh! They wear funny red hats and ride funny little cars in parades! Ron, on the other hand, is just clownin' around.) At any rate, my under-use of that phrase is a pretty good indication I don't know what I'm doing.

Whitesand/Badlands 7" release at 501 tonight
Photo by Rdikeman at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7a/Shriner_syrian_corvette.jpg

Lucky for me, and for you, my colleagues here at City Pages have already written about two of the three bands playing at the 501 Club tonight - and to my knowledge have done so without using that phrase! - so all I have to do is tackle that third band and encourage you to go check out the pretty great bill assembled to celebrate the highly-anticipated release of Whitesand/Badlands' first 7", Blank Czech/Humans, #1 (Friday 4/16, music starts around 10, free as always).

The scoop on the headlining band and their release? Take it away, Loren Green.

Opening for Whitesand/Badlands is Blackcloud Stallionheart, STNNNG guitarist Adam Burt's solo project. Loren Green, you come yet again to my rescue.

Starting out the night is new local act Commission for Cunt. No not really. They're Tips for Twat. Chris, a bartender at the Hexagon Bar, mentioned he was excited to hear this band during an impending performance while he slung beers, if only for their name, and to his delight I upped that ante by rechristening them Commission for Cunt. Anything to make the bartender laugh. If you frequent this bar, you may know Chris for his charming shirts. Wednesday's shirt read "I EAT GLUE," another I've seen reads "SUPPORT SINGLE MOTHERS" and features a busty woman, leg wrapped around a stripper pole, and my friend hypothesizes that he'll someday come to work in a shirt simply proclaiming "CAUTION: I BONE."

Notice how I try to get around writing about music?

And here's where Loren Green lets me down; this band is new enough it seems City Pages has not yet covered them. I'm on my own here. Thanks a lot, Loren Green. Hmm... Well, Tips for Twat sound like this one obscure band every music critic likes but you've never heard of meets Paul Simon a la Graceland. See, I'm such a bad music critic that I don't even know what obscure band I'm supposed to like and reference in describing Tips for Twat's sound. And now I owe the Shriners another buck. But check it - they've got MySpace! Thanks for putting your music on MySpace, Commission for Cunt, so I don't have to figure out how to describe it. This is how I earn my pay, and I hope you like your new name. I'll also add Tips for Twat are quickly gaining recognition in the local music scene, as I see their name on nearly every other underground show bill coming out lately, and just last night they opened for the Vampire Hands/Daughters of the Sun split release/tour kickoff at the Hexagon, and tomorrow will be opening for Skoal Kodiak at a free and open-to-the-public MCAD show.

So check out this show, and thank you Loren Green. Perhaps I'll donate these three dollars to you, rather than to the cleft-palated, burn-traumatized children of Shriners Hospitals. I couldn't have gotten through this without you.

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