What if every song with 'body' in its title is actually about a corpse?

John Mayer is singing to a dead woman. She's dead.

John Mayer is singing to a dead woman. She's dead. YouTube

Changes everything, huh?

John Mayer is a handsy mortician.

It sounds hot when Ciara sings about a “Body Party,” but she's really just informing you about a wake.

Often mistakenly believed to be a dance move, “The Body Rock” is in truth old-school hip-hop slang for rigor mortis.

When Mariah Carey invites you to “Touch My Body,” she does not inform you that her lifeless flesh will be as cold and clammy as the grave. Also how is she asking you to do this? Is she a zombie or some other damned spirit? Don't ask questions you don't want me to answer, you fools.

All those songs exhorting you to “rock your body,” “shake your body,” or “move your body” that you thought were dispensing sexy dancefloor instructions? They are the desperate cries someone makes upon finding a corpse in the woods, hoping against hope that it will show some sign of life.

In your heart, you’ve always known all this to be true, but you’ve never been honest enough to admit it.

And don't get me started on songs with "baby" in them.