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Warped Tour announces 2017 lineup that’s strangely ... cool?

Tweens tween-ing away at the 2013 Warped Tour

Tweens tween-ing away at the 2013 Warped Tour

Where is New Found Glory? Where is Reel Big Fish?

Looking over the newly announced 2017 Warped Tour lineup, you’ll see plenty of familiar names, as always. But where last year the fest was rife with mall-punk veterans and ska perennials, this year's oldies acts are mostly respectable punk-rock lifers.

The Adolescents, T.S.O.L., Sick Of It All, Anti-Flag, the Dickies -- it's like a cool uncle's record collection will come to life this summer and travel to Shakopee to school the youth on punk history. Crowd-pleasing gore-masters GWAR will also be on hand to make a beautiful mess.

Even feminist hardcore group War on Women, hardly Warped fare at all, have signed on this year. Their rationale: "We feel like we’re in a unique position to infiltrate what could be a hostile environment, and ensure that women’s voices are heard."

 

It's almost like living in T****'s A*****a has brought a new seriousness to the Warped Tour. Worse things have happened! But are we really ready to live in a world where teen punks are too woke for ska?

 

Oh wait, there's Save Ferris. Whew.

 

Tickets to the July 23 fest at Canterbury Park run $38; they're now available online and at Golden Valley record shop Down in the Valley.

Here’s the full lineup, arranged in an order all you alphabet fans out there will pick up on and appreciate:

The Acacia Strain
The Adolescents
After The Burial
Alestorm
American Authors
Andy Black
Anti-Flag
The Ataris
Attila
Bad Cop, Bad Cop
Bad Omens
Barb Wire Dolls
Beartooth
Being As An Ocean
Blessthefall
Boston Manor
Candiria Carnifex
CKY
Counterparts
Courage My Love
Creeper
Dance Gavin Dance
Emmure
Farewell Winters
Feeki
Fire From The Gods
Fit For A King
Futuristic

The Gospel Youth
GWAR
Hands Like Houses
Hatebreed
Hawthorne Heights
Hundredth
I Prevail
Jule Vera
Knocked Loose
Memphis May Fire
Movements
Municipal Waste
Neck Deep
New Years Day
Our Last Night
Sammy Adams
Save Ferris
Separations
Sick Of It All
Silverstein
Stick To Your Guns
Sworn In
T.S.O.L.
Trophy Eyes
Valient Thorr
Watsky
William Control