In honor of the recent Replacements reissues on Rhino (Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out The Trash, Stink, Hootenanny and Let It Be), we dug out the issue of City Pages that Paul Westerberg famously quoted lines from on Hootenanny's "Lovelines."
This post is best read while listening to the actual song, so pull out your copy of Hootenanny and put it on track 9. If you don't have the disc or record, you can play this weird YouTube video while you read:
The following classified ads all appeared on the same page in the October 13, 1982 issue of City Pages. We cropped out the particular ads that Westerberg references in the song. Only a few lines were ad-libbed; for the most part, Westerberg is reading directly from the paper.
Stop it (sniffs) Slightly overweight girls need sex also Send your note and desires Means of contact P.O. Box 8941
Baby you have been along I'll read another As soon as it comes around
Feeling pressured? Call Lovelines
JD if you need a fishing partner please let me know Visitors welcome instruction 5 generation Master Gin Foon Mark
Hey Ellen Mark says hi Tom what else can I say I love you very much I'm glad we're together miss you a lot Love kitten
Ooh yeah ooh yeah Kitten Ooh yeah ooh yeah
Lurkin' lizards lyin' in the Tanners under an oral fix waiting for the return of the crawling kingsnake John Lee
Okay Grin & bear it
Fantasy Phone Swingers' Hotline Pure silk, pure seduction G-strings in petal pink Hell
Attract some women scientific formulated spray the conductive male hormone work turn the lights off
ooh baby, let's turn a page Person-to-person
And it's all a bunch of shit Wednesday, October 13th, 1982 volume 4, number 79
If you have a reissued copy of Hootenanny, you will also notice that there is a bonus version of "Lovelines" that is a different take of the song. Here is the full-sized scan of the classifieds page so you can follow along with the bonus track (click to enlarge):